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Gay Penguin Couple Burgles Babies from Fellow Birds

Posted by on Oct 4, 2011 in Crime | 5 comments

Gay penguins are so hot right now.

Surely by now you’ve come to recognize that it’s homophobia, and not homosexuality, that is the unnatural behavior found in no other species besides our own. And you’ve probably also heard about the plethora of same-sex penguin couples committed to one another in zoos across the globe. But this is something new:

And now, just like gay couples in America, it seems that gay penguins are upset about a lack of parental rights. A gay couple in China has resorted to stealing eggs and replacing them with rocks so they can raise a child together. The mischievous behavior has forced zookeepers to separate the pair from the group, who, go figure, aren’t too pleased that their children are being stolen.

Is it discrimination to separate the gay couple? No, says the Chinese. “We have to fence them separately, otherwise the whole group will be disturbed during hatching time” the keepers said to the Austrian Times newspaper.

Well, it sounds to me like they just want what any couple wants – to be able to be with the one they love, live a life together, raise a family, and be left alone. After all, if Roy and Silo can do it (for six years anyhow), why can’t they? I say give them an egg – there’s bound to be an extra one lying around somewhere. Penguins often lay two eggs, but a couple really only has time and energy to raise one of them. 

Granted, it is pretty darn cute to imagine the penguin couple covering their tracks by replacing eggs with rocks and hoping their neighbors will be none the wiser, we’ll give you that. But drawing a comparison between same-sex animals in captivity who steal eggs and same-sex humans who continue to fight for equal parental rights under the law is a false metaphor, and a bit of a dangerous one at that.

But if you thought that was bad, then this is just rubbish:

All the queer flightless fowl can do is hope that measures like proposition 8 don’t apply to them and that the zookeepers and public let them be.

And, in the case of the queer thieves, let them have an egg, so they can satiate their biological need to raise a child. After all, they’re just penguins. Who are we to judge?

Nice try, y’all. But I think you should stick to science, Science Blogs.