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Man Pleads Guilty to Jerking Off All Over Customers’ Frozen Yogurt

Posted by on Oct 5, 2011 in Crime | 8 comments

Room for desert?

Anthony Garcia will appear in a New Mexico court next week to change his plea from not-guilty to guilty on one count of adulterating food and one of lying to federal prosecutors. He faces up to eight years in prison for both offenses.

Both of the charges stem from when Garcia was working at Sunflower Farmers Market in January and aggressively offered a female shopper a sample of yogurt. She finally tried and and decided it tasted disgusting, “like semen.” Garcia, naturally, lied about putting his personal flavor in the yogurt and now he’s in all this trouble.

To be frank, we’re left with more questions than answers here. Is “adulterating food” an honest-to-God on the books crime or something specific to this case? Did Garcia add his special sauce as a topping or was it the secret ingredient in the pre-frozen formula? And how did this escalate to a full blown crime? Did his victims each separately bring their yogurt to the police and ask for DNA testing? Do police even do DNA testing on deserts?

In any case, there’s a lesson to be learned here: Don’t jerk off on people’s food.

What? Not all lessons come in pretty little bows. Jeez…

(via Gawker)