Pastor Argues Masturbation is a Form of Homosexuality

Posted by Kevin Farrell on Oct 13, 2011 in Separation of Church & Prostate | 26 comments

Missy don't want no minute man.

Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in Seattle really brings the LOLZ in his ebook Porn Again Christian. The only trouble is that he doesn’t seem to realize that the joke is on him.

Driscoll’s remarks on the inherent gayness of masturbating in particular rubbed us the wrong way.

First, masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman. If a man were to masturbate while engaged in other forms of sexual intimacy with his wife then he would not be doing so in a homosexual way. However, any man who does so without his wife in the room is bordering on homosexuality activity, particularly if he’s watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body.

Second, masturbation is a form of monosexuality because it is sex that does not include another person. Since sex is given for such purposes as oneness (Gen. 2:24), intimate knowledge (Gen. 4:1), and comfort (2 Sam. 12:24), having sex with oneself seems to miss some of the significant biblical reasons for sexual intimacy.

Third, masturbation is often done in haste because of the mortifying embarrassment of possibly getting caught in the act. Subsequently, masturbation encourages a man to become a notorious minute-man who will not be well skilled in the self-control necessary to satisfy a wife.

Fourth, masturbation can establish a pattern of laziness. If a single man wants to have an orgasm, he needs to first become a man and undergo the hard work of courting and marrying a woman. If a married man wants to have an orgasm, he needs to first undergo the hard work of loving, leading, and romancing his wife. But, lazy men are prone to rub one out in the shower each morning rather than undergo the labors usually associated with responsible masculine married life.

OMG! While it is refreshing (like a shower each morning!) to hear a religious leader openly acknowledge that masturbation exists, it’s creepy to see Driscoll run right over the rails with his beliefs. Likewise, a pastor using the terms “rub one out” and “minute-man” gives us 8th grade health class flashbacks, peppered with a bit of Missy Elliot of course.

And don’t even get me started on Driscoll’s comment about the masturbator “watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body.” Methinks the lady doth protest too much, if you know what I’m saying…

All of this of course begs the question, is it gay when gay people masturbate? And if so, what’s the harm?

Anonymous

I think it is pretty funny, what the heterosexual male has done to himself in society. Boxed themselves right into a corner, those breeder-men.

These days, it has become far easier to be an actual gay man than it is to be a heterosexual man who lives under the constant stress and worry that he will be perceived as gay.

This, however, is a bed of the heterosexual male’s own making. And this bed doesn’t appear to be going anywhere soon.

I hope they’ve changed the sheets, as it looks like they’re gonna be there awhile.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=592796245 Trenton Flock

The world according to Driscoll: Practicing yoga is attending “little demon classes,” other forms of Protestantism are of the realm of “chicks and some chickified dudes with limp wrists,” women must submit to men, men must be manly men, and yet apparently men can’t be attracted to men or enjoy their own bodies even though they are so VASTLY superior to women in every way, shape, and form.

“Misogynist” doesn’t even begin to cut it. What a f*g.
http://adifferentmusic.blogspot.com/ Lazy Jay

Hilarious, especially this bit:
“masturbation encourages a man to become a notorious minute-man who will not be well skilled in the self-control necessary to satisfy ”
because it is the exact opposite of medical thinkling of the subject. A little self-love gives you staying power.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=771219087 Buddy Englett

Stop trying to confuse the issue with science. You know as well as I do that preachers of the gospel are exempt from factual evidence.

http://adifferentmusic.blogspot.com/ Lazy Jay

You’re so right, I apologise.Whatever was I thinking? I’ll be dissing creationism next if I’m not careful…

http://www.facebook.com/MMaresca7 Michael Maresca

omg they r getting crazier and crazier its like the 50`s or something whats going on?!

http://www.facebook.com/philio1961 Philip Shimkus

they know they are losing the battle….

http://www.CupcakeDoom.tumblr.com Courtney

So.. this all talks about men.. what does he think of masturbating females? lol funny stuff

http://www.facebook.com/Dani.Soleil Daniel Chapman

Oh Courtney, everyone knows women don’t masturbate. Whats the point? It’s not like they can have an orgasm or anything.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000492549273 Michelle Mushy Nieves

LOL

http://www.facebook.com/people/Joey-Mitchell/1406675470 Joey Mitchell

I love that song!

…

Guess the guy doesn’t know that he can make himself last longer with proper masturbation form and technique!
http://twitter.com/Whitefurre Daniel Barker

Wait, so if it’s gay when gay people masturbate…Is it, like, a double negative? Does it cancel out the gayness?
http://www.facebook.com/people/Luinne-DLlard/100001583873176 Luinne D’Llard

Now I know why they’re so paranoid that THE GAYZ IS EVERYWHURR. ..Because literally everyone ever is gay if you go about it this way.
http://www.facebook.com/maggsamillion Maggie Marconi

what is this i don’t even
http://www.facebook.com/people/Erica-Cook/100000628613592 Erica Cook

Um, my masturbation includes a woman. but then again I’m just that great.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Grey-Diamond/1547664306 Grey Diamond

What kind of Cunt-ry is that ? I cant wait for the new generation to take the command of this world because those old bastard well…. they are getting very old.
Anonymous

This isn’t the first I have heard of this. I attended a Independent Fundamental Baptist College and one of my friends got expelled for getting caught masturbating in his dorm room. I saw the paper work they gave him and the reasoning they gave was borderline homosexuality. Good thing the never found out about me ditching class to go hook up in mall restrooms. FYI I dropped out and moved to Florida.
http://www.facebook.com/GoodOldBubba1 Allen Ryel

First, doesn’t this dufuss realize that it is only through repeated exposure to sensations and changing reactions to differing “stimuli” improves a lover? Second, using his logic a woman would have to suffer through unfulfilling sex until her husband got it together. Third, while I don’t want in his mind as I fear it is a small and scary place, I’m sure whatever he is into eclipses anything he speaks out about.

http://adifferentmusic.blogspot.com/ Lazy Jay

I forced myself to read through the drivel on his website. Female orgasm isn’t mentioned once, let alone the right to have one. So she’ll probably have unfulfilling sex all her life, unless she’s prepared to resort to tickling it up in secret while he’s away being Manly somewhere else.

http://www.facebook.com/GoodOldBubba1 Allen Ryel

I thought part of a husband getting it together was to please his wife, I wasn’t just specific about her orgasm. I thought that was implied, sorry I was unclear.

http://adifferentmusic.blogspot.com/ Lazy Jay

I didn’t mean to imply you weren’t clear. I just wanted to say that I think you’re more preoccupied with the poor woman’s orgasm than the pastor seems to be.

http://www.facebook.com/GoodOldBubba1 Allen Ryel

I think you are pretty much right on. I’m a straight man and have had to laugh at a number of people when they gave me odd “he’s gay” (don’t like sports, like cats, like both action movies and “chick flicks” ect) looks or remarks. I’m sure they have no clue how many of their “buddies” are in fact gay and they have not failed any “tests”. The only way in MY opinion that about the only thing a man (gay or straight) is to not be shy about telling people that it’s none of their darned business unless we are having sex together . I guess that at some point not giving a rat’s hiney is the key. Thanks for reading all this.
http://www.facebook.com/TheMichaelLewisExperience Author Michael A. Lewis

“particularly if he’s watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body.” ——— This is narcissistic not homosexual.

“masturbation encourages a man to become a notorious minute-man who will not be well skilled in the self-control necessary to satisfy a wife.” ——-On what planet? Actually it is the opposite a minute man would be able to last longer when in control of all aspects of his own pleasure.

“If a single man wants to have an orgasm, he needs to first become a man and undergo the hard work of courting and marrying a woman.” —— he really is an idiot. Nocturnal Emissions must be in Idiot 102 which he wont take until next semester….. dumbass! Also, prepubescent boys who’s bodies change with the oncest of puberty and the subsequent awareness of adult sexual responses cant get married….. yet they eventually learn how to get an orgasm and it is anything from Lazy!!! LMAO
http://twitter.com/Tessybear_29_92 Tess Bastian

So gay men can masturbate and straight men can’t. No mention of women? I’m ok with that!
Anonymous

The common cure for a one minute man is for him to masturbate first – it usually take longer to cum that second time which gives the girl (or guy) the time she (or he) needs to really enjoy herself!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=887180542 Michael Blank

there a song I want him to hear called “Oops Oh My”

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