Bachmann Declares Family ‘Gay Free’

Washington D.C. – Michele Bachmann has steadfastly refused to answer questions about her husband’s counseling clinic. Marcus Bachmann, potential First Gentleman, is a self-described Christian counselor who attempts to ‘cure’ gay patients.

“I am running for the presidency of the United States,” she said, “my husband is not.” The Minnesota Republican faced queries during a luncheon at the National Press Club.

Married 32 years, the Bachmanns have five children and have opened their home to 23 foster children. “And let me assure you my family is gay free,” she proudly stated. “Marcus and his biblical principles have seen to that.” Asked to elaborate, Michele hesitated slightly before explaining, “There was one close call, but Marcus forcefully prayed away the gay. Today all our children are on the straight and narrow.”

Marcus Bachmann, though not registered with any of the three boards that certify mental health professionals in Minnesota, has practiced for over 20 years. “Gay people are barbarians who need to be ‘educated’ and disciplined,” he claimed last year on a syndicated religious radio show. “We have the responsibility as parents not to encourage sinful thoughts and feelings from moving into the action stage,” he said. And, apparently, that’s just what he did.

The Bachmann’s residence was legally defined as a treatment home with a daily reimbursement rate per foster child from the state. “With 23 foster kids we collected a lot of money from Minnesota,” Michele stated, “so naturally Marcus felt obligated to make sure all our children were playing for the right team.”