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The Bottom Whisperer: Into The Groove

Posted by on Nov 2, 2011 in Sex | 3 comments

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now and love him to death. The big elephant in the room is that our sex life is a snooze. I am always a lot hornier than he is, which means I am begging for sex and he declines, often. This has led me to think about cheating which makes me feel like a horrible person. I’ve tried talking about it with him, but he either says I’m just a nympho or abnormally horny. I don’t know what to do about it anymore! Any suggestions? Needs Your Man-love, Please Help Out

Hey NYMPHO,

Thanks for the great question. This is a huge issue affecting the majority of relationships – gay, bi, straight. You are a man and therefore, want to hump everything in sight. There isn’t anything wrong with you. Some people’s libido is through the roof, some not so much. It is also far too easy for someone to be hurt when they feel their lover/partner doesn’t want to rip their clothing off on the drop of a dime.

First, it is important to understand the human sex drive. There are a number of variables that can stimulate, and also inhibit sex drive. The main inhibitors of sex drive include stress, alcohol, drugs (recreational and prescription), previous emotional and physical abuse. Things that can stimulate the sex drive include diet, exercise, regular sleep, feelings of security, Barry White albums.

So NYMPHO, it sounds like you guys are hitting that sex wall that seems to come up in the 9-16 month window of most relationships. You guys are over the crush phase, you have spent a lot of time together, you have started to show your ‘warts’ and things that seemed so effortless previously, require a bit of work. Things like communicating and sex, which seemed to happen before without a hitch, now take less precedence in your day-to-day consideration as you two develop your partnership more. It happens!

So what can you do about it? Does your boyfriend respond to any particular type of sexual stimulation? Is he into kink? Sex toys? Would he like you to switch sexual position more? Would he be turned on if there was some gang-bang porn on while you hump?

You have to up the game if you’re not happy with the way it is going. Get online and pick out some sex toys you think he might be into and then ask him to incorporate them into your lovemaking. Tie him up and blindfold him or ask him to do it to you. The point is, you guys have been together for a while now and he’s probably fucked you 12 ways to Tuesday. You need to spice it up and keep things exciting! It is going to take some work but I think you will be pleased with the results!

Happy humping!

 

I am a thirty-something gay man living in Cali. A few years back I dressed in drag for Halloween and had such a great time (I looked fucking hot!) that I began going out in drag and eventually began performing. It is a full-on lifestyle for me. I am gainfully employed but my passion really is performing in drag. It is to the point now where I am out Thursday night through Sunday night in drag.

When I am in drag I feel empowered. I get a lot of attention and feel like the life of the party. It gives me self-confidence that I lack when I am in my normal day to day life. I recently met a guy in a social situation where I was in drag. He is totally dreamy so I worked up the courage to ask him out after running into him a few times. We exchanged info and spoke on the phone and have made plans but now I am having cold feet because I have only known his as ‘drag me’. It is to the point where I am considering scrapping plans because I am scared he won’t like the boy me.

Please help!

Think Over Then Allow Little Direction Right A Guy

Hey TOTALDRAG,

Girl, while I am sure you are a beautiful and talented drag queen, it is important to remember that under that 27 pounds of hair, makeup and fake tits is the real you. Sure tucking your cock and balls up your ass-crack might make you feel more empowered to lip-sync Mariah Carey to a room full of drunk queens. You might even have the added self-confidence to ask a hot guy out when you’re walking around in 8 inch heels.

The real issue here TOTALDRAG is that you might not feel as funny/smart/cool/sexy/outgoing in your real life. How do you fix that? You had some pretty strong words about what doing drag does for you and how it makes you feel. Are there other things that you feel great about in your life? Do you have awesome friends? Can you cook a mean quiche? My point is, you aren’t a one trick pony and I’m sure your friends and loved ones would say the same thing.

So take this boy out on a date and when you are getting to know each other, I hope you express that same confidence that you did when describing yourself in your question. If this guy was interested enough to say yes when you asked him out, there is a reason why. Take some time to look at yourself and find those qualities that make ‘drag you’ so great. I guarantee those qualities are still there even when your wig is off.

Have a question for The Bottom Whisperer? Email [email protected].