10-Year-Old Boys Hold Press Conference: Call Police If You See Us Being Raped
“Considering that the monstrous acts perpetrated by Jerry Sandusky went unreported for years, even after a fellow coach saw him raping a 10-year-old boy inside the facility behind me, we feel perhaps not everyone is totally clear on what to do if one witnesses such a thing,” said spokesperson Joshua Pearson, who was flanked by several of his fifth-grade colleagues. “Many of you will no doubt be relieved to know the proper course of action is really quite simple: Just contact the police. Call 911, go to your local precinct, stop an officer on the street—the bottom line is, if you see one of us getting raped, notify the police, and do so as quickly as possible.”
“It doesn’t matter who the boy being raped is, and it doesn’t matter who is doing the raping, just please, please alert law enforcement,” Pearson added as the 10-year-old boys surrounding him nodded soberly. “And by the way, under no circumstances is it ever okay for an adult to rape a 10-year-old boy, so you really can’t go wrong by calling the police when something like that happens.”
The nation’s 10-year-olds unanimously echoed Pearson’s sentiments, imploring people to contact police not only when they see prepubescent boys being raped, but, in fact, when they see anyone at all being raped, in any context.
“Certainly, if you were to see me being raped, I would want you to call the police—I’m a 10-year-old boy who couldn’t possibly give my consent, or even fully grasp the horror of what was happening to me,” Sioux Falls, SD resident Nick Kealey, 10, said between games of Mario Kart DS. “What’s really at issue here is the act of rape itself. So, yes, if you see a 10-year-old boy like me being raped, by all means, call the police. But don’t just walk on by if you see, say, a teenage girl being raped in a locker room, or even a full-grown man being raped in an alleyway. These are also situations in which you should definitely call the police, and right away.”
Touché Onion. Touché.