Cynthia Nixon Update: I Don’t Identify as Bi Because Nobody Likes Bisexuals

yikes,

This is what I originally posted in reference to the first story about her found below.
I think I was giving her too much credit. She is sorta right though, people do dump on bisexuals a lot. But its strange that a lot of gay people say they are bi in an attempt to be better accepted. So, it seems like straight people are more ok with bi than gay and then gay people call bi people on all their bs and say that they are really gay… yikes, where does it end?

“I think everyone here is entirely missing her point. She is saying that whether or not being gay is a choice or is not a choice is irrelevant. At that point she mentions that for her, it was a choice. She is also correctly saying that if we concede the point that there is no way we would have chosen this life (being gay) to the anti-gay crowd, we are in essence saying that there is something inherently wrong with being gay. Its basically saying that being gay is not as good as an option because who in their right mind would choose it right? I find this pretty damn offensive and so does Cynthia. So, for her personally, since it is a choice for her, she sees it as everyone pretty much saying something must be wrong with her for having chosen it.

The entire point here is it is irrelevant whether or not it is a choice. It should make no difference if I chose to be gay or I am gay because of biological reasons. Even if it were a choice (for most its obviously not) but even if it were, that should have absolutely no bearing on its validity. We all deserve respect and equality regardless of what we choose, don’t choose, or don’t have the opportunity to choose.

I think what is most damaging is trying to convince the anti-gay crowd that this is not a choice. We should be trying to convince people of is that being gay is a healthy thing and it makes no difference if it is chosen or not. The anti-gay movements biggest argument is that they think it is a choice and that we cannot “prove” otherwise. The mindset that choice is irrelevant completely takes the sails off their main argument.”

Not everybody dumps on the bisexuals, Ms. Nixon. I daresay that they get way more respect than do the Trans folk under the LGBT umbrella.

i think we’re just at this point feeding into the notion that labels matter at all. seriously, who gives a sh*t what she chooses to be identified as? we shouldn’t care so much. it’s wrong for us to insist to her that she is something she doesn’t want to be labeled as. and if you disagree with that statement, let me ask you this: how much better are we than people who insist that all gays are confused heterosexual people?

I agree with your sentiments, and with hers. I actually COMPLETELY understand what she is saying because I COULD technically identify as bi; that is, I’m not 100% gay, but I CHOOSE to go by the term gay because 1) Announcing you are Bi invites suspicion and all sorts of attention that one may not want (i.e. over-eager swingers, men who want prove their masculinity by “converting” queer women)…and I think it’s especially true for women who identify as Bi and are thus treated as flaky. If you are a Bi male, you’re just really gay at heart (they say)…and extra slutty. 2) Picking one side or the other as a general (but not unbreakable) rule for whom you will date (especially if you are more inclined toward one side or the other) makes life easier. When I tell people about that side of me, they say I am not being true to myself by shutting off that side. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make, though, because life is complicated enough.

So I think i get her message. She’s just said it in a very sloppy way that some bigots will use in their patently absurd arguments. I don’t give a damn about them, and even if they cite her statements, no one with half a brain will be swayed by them. Meh indeed.

I like bisexuals. I mean, maybe some people don’t but i know i do.

right she admits it she is bi get over it womyn its ok your perfect the way you are and you dont have a coice in your sexual identity but dont say its a choice its not dont call your self gay if you arent its not right….

I think it’s been her experience, that ‘nobody likes bisexuals.’ It makes me wander if bisexuals are more discriminated and/or judged in New York within the LGBT community and outside of it. I also think that labeling herself as bisexual would mean that she is still open to the idea of being with a man, when now she isn’t. 

I don’t believe being gay is a choice, nor being straight. But as a Bi-sexual I can understand her problem. I’ve had girls and guys say things like, “Bisexuals should just choose one or the other,” or “But which one do you really like,”.
I happen to consider myself bi with a male preference, that is I prefer male partners. And so sometimes I call myself ‘gay’, because it’s easier, and I consider it an umbrella term like ‘queer’.
There is a stigma, even among the LGBT that bi people are ‘confused’ or ‘unstable’ or my least favorite comment ‘greedy’.
Maybe one day we won’t need labels, we can all just love whoever we see fit at the moment, but until then the B in LGBT still has unique obstacles to overcome.

she says she doesn’t like it but follows it up by saying “because WE get no respect…. I just don’t like to pull out that word.” Which I can completely agree with. I feel like she’s speaking more about the baggage that can come with labeling yourself as bisexual – not saying that she doesn’t like bisexual people. I view myself as bisexual, but sometimes cringe when I have to label myself as one. To a lot of people bisexuality is seen as indecisive or “straight until…” I can totally relate to her statement.

I think the stumbling block with Trans-people is that their situation is one of not just ‘sexuality’ but ‘gender identity’. People are naturally uncomfortable with anything that they themselves are incapable of experiencing. We fear what we don’t understand.
I myself only have one transgendered friend, and am uncertain what topics are okay to discuss, and how to treat (her).
This will take longer to overcome individually and as a society, as understanding comes through exposure.Since Trans-people are a minority within a minority, sometimes even a hidden minority; it will not be easy.
It will take time, and a lot of bravery before transfolk become better understood in a commonplace setting. But eventually (I hope) it will happen.

She is some what right when she says nobody likes bisexuals. By nobody she probably means society and even the LGBT community. Bisexuals are picked on a lot and not taken seriously as a sexual orientation. Research on bisexuals shows its a very complicated and misunderstood orientation. Especially when a bisexual person gets married. In her case, she is still bisexual even though she is married to a women. She will probably have urges to be with a man, but its the same way anyone has urges to be with another partner once they commit to a monogamous relationship. She picked a women to commit to but that doesn’t suddenly make her a lesbian. If a gay man married a straight women (Michelle Bachmann for instance) that doesn’t make the man straight. He is still a homosexual. However, I say you are what you say you are. Which kinda contradicts by last sentence, but I think you all know what I mean. 

I understand what she is saying. I’ve known I was bisexual since I was 4 but bisexuals don’t get a lot of respect. You’re either too scared to say you’re gay or you’re trying to be cool so you can’t identify as straight (at least that’s what I’ve gotten from both the gay and straight communities). I’ve been working with the LGBT for years and I have come across a lot of people who think bisexuals are just straight people trying to fit into the GAY community. Like I said, I’ve known I wasn’t straight since I was 4 but I often don’t feel support within the community for my bisexuality. It’s more like Gay and Lesbian, who yeah…and there are these bisexuals and transgendered people too. 

Every time I tell someone that I’m Bi, they all tell be that I’m just confused and I don’t know what I want. I don’t even like going to my schools LGBT club because I feel like I don’t belong there. I completely agree with what Cynthia says. Everyone I know dumps on Bisexuals. Sometimes I wish I were either a Lesbian or completely straight, just so I could have people to relate to.

I completely the same way.
 

i’m totally with her! a lot lesbians give me condescending phrases like “oh, ur just on the fence right now.. you’re gay” or they shun me completely because i would dare (oh heavens no!) to love and sleep with a man. Being a LARGE supporter of LGBT rights I thought I would feel right at home among lesbians…nope… felt judged and misunderstood just like from the heterosexual people.

Course most of the heteros just call me straight gay b/c I am anything but totally straight.  There is even neglect to this problem in my field; psychology. The study of bisexuals, their origins, behavioral patterns.. yada yada are really of no interest at this point.

Everyone is dynamic.. so why categorize one another when we all change all the time? Seems pointless to me. If I was this lady and I was asked the first question here.. I would be completely offended. It’s none of our business what goes one in her bedroom!?!?!?!??!

I think what she said is being misinterpreted. Within the LGBT community, it is not as united as it should be and not all individuals who are part of it are as tolerant of others belonging to the group as they should be. I have heard and witnessed with my own eyes gays and lesbians (on two separate occasions) saying that bisexuals are either insecure with their sexuality or just can’t pick a side. I understand where she is coming from completely and I agree with her in some aspects. 

I think she has made a very poignant point. All the gays I hear talk about bisexuals say they’re just gays in denial. It’s a rough place out there for the “B” in “GLBT.”

Bisexuals do not get much political respect – from homo or hetero crowds. Not only are we called undecided or slutty too often for it to even be worth discussing, but we have to additionally contend with those who claim to define the label in weird ways not everyone agrees with. There have been many movements for YEARS to redefine bisexuality with a new term that hasn’t been so sorely denigrated.

Example:  The other day a young woman complained to me about how her boyfriend just couldn’t understand that she was bisexual and sometimes needed to sleep with women. That’s.not.what.it.means.

Oh man.  Thank god for Cynthia Nixon.  She possesses a candor rarely seen amongst people today.  And she is right.  So many people (gays included) are biphobic (and transphobic).  I think, she unknowingly, is actually calling us all out.  Phrases like “bi-now, gay-later” are examples of the LGBT food chain (it’s not TBGL….).  Gay and Lesbian rights are considered a “hot-button issue” in America right now, and Trans and Bi rights are even more so.  Perhaps the new movement should be L=G=B=T=S.  If gay people refuse to accept Bisexuality or Transexuality, we are hypocrites.

Hell being bi you get the whole damn package. LOL  I identify as being bi, because I’m attracted to both genders, but I’ve never really been with a woman.  I’m currently seeing a girl, but we’ve only gone out on a few dates and I like her as a person, and I hope it will become more someday.  I’ve been sexually with several men in the past, but nothing ever clicked.  Though I loved my first boyfriend, he was the only man I actually loved.  The others were more like … flings.  People always think I’m just “confused”.  No.. I just happen to like both sexes.  But to straight people, if I’m with a man then I’m straight. But if I was with a woman, I’d be a lesbian. Pfft!!

I think Ms. Nixon needs to find her own two feet and stand her ground.  So what if people dump on the bi.  Screw ‘em.  Just stand a little more firmer and shout a little louder.  Eventually they’ll get the point.

No, she comes off much better in this one than the previous post. (Not to mention completely vindicates what I and a lot of people were saying.) Bisexuals do get a lot of guff in the community, and whether its right or wrong, it still happens and she is just acknowledging it. It’s a shame she couldn’t have been a little more courageous and just said that from the get-go instead of adding that rubbish about choosing to be gay, but with the stigma that the gay and straight worlds tend to attach to the word, I don’t really blame her in wanting to dodge that label. I just really wish she hadn’t exacerbated the problem by calling it a choice.

I’m bi and I’ve honestly never had any problems with it one way or the other.  Sure, I’ve had idiots try to tell me they understand my sexuality better than I do, but I can only recall a handful (mostly because I stop listening by that point).  Most of my LBGT friends identify somewhere in the fuzzy middle as far as sexuality goes (even if they lean to one side or the other), so that probably helps, as does living in one of the most liberal cities in Arkansas.  I think we need to stop ragging Ms. Nixon so hard.  Who cares what label she chooses?  Maybe her sexuality was a choice.  So what?  What does her sexuality have to do with mine, or anyone else’s?  Maybe it’s time for the ”gay” community to stop focusing so hard on labels.     

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Thank you, Cynthia. You have given the internet something to argue over for entire weeks, which means trolling grounds for me.

Thank you so much.

[...] Posted by Kevin Farrell on Jan 24, 2012 in Real Talk | 22 comments [...]

I self identify as queer and so does my gf i am biologically male. I too don’t like the bi word too much i prefer to say I’m gay before saying I’m bi. I can just talk for my own experience but i must say this article is so strange it’s as if the author is ambivalent to the gay and straight prejudices of bi/queer people. I love gay bars but sometimes when I go with my girlfriend we can really nasty looks, which are very similar to the looks i get as a very flamboyant guy at the straight bars. People are just people and we are attracted to whoever we are attracted to, the labels are just there for other people to ease their own insecurities.

-Carlos 

I’m a bi person and i love trannies

Actually many bisexuals are discriminated against by heterosexuals AND homosexuals. It is hard to find support from anyone, which is strange considering what every gay and lesbian person has to put up with. You would think that they would know better and be more sympathetic!

I think that people in the LGBT community who do not like bi-sexuals are hyporcrites. I myself am a lesbian – i have all respect for bisexuals. Who am I to say that their sexuality is not real and that they cant fall in love with both genders. I dont like it when Im told that I am not in love with a girl and homosexuality is a choice so why should I judge a bisexual?

Well, don’t I feel sort of silly for defending her in my last comment (previous article).  While yes, we bisexuals do get a bad rep (being open about the gender of the person we love does NOT make us “easy” or “greedy” or whatever), she’s not really helping her home team with comments like that.  :

She can choose to identify however she likes, I get that “bisexual” is kind of a tricky label for some, but to say that “nobody likes the bisexuals, everyone dumps on the bisexuals” is just kind of… not helping. 

Isn’t this why we came up with the term “self-identify?” Her real mistake was putting the “the” in “the bisexuals.”

I agree to a point.  Bisexual people really do get very little respect both in and out of the LGBTQ community.  HOWEVER! Just because we get little respect doesn’t, not make her one.  She is still very much bisexual.  By her claiming that being gay is a choice, that she chose to be in a relationship with a man and the chose to ‘become’ a lesbian, based purely on the fact that she dislikes the treatment of people who are bi will just further complicate things.  It makes it appear that the stereotypes about bisexuals, things like oh well you are either gay or you’re not, and anything else is just testing the waters before you decide, are actually true and they aren’t.  People who are bi aren’t confused in any way.  We know exactly who we are, and what we want from a partner, be they male or female.  I think she should just stop talking or get a PR manager or something.  If she hates the way that we are treated, then do something about it.  Don’t just say “Oh, well I’m not bi [because I don't like how they are treated], I just chose to be lesbian” because that just further complicates things for everyone.

She is really putting her foot in her mouth at these interviews.

Personally, I think the over-simplified answer is “Nixon is Bi and she has *chosen* to be in a same-sex relationship.”

So that’s her individual story.  Her experience.  She’s not lying or hiding.  Or being a hypocrite.  She’s fighting for our collective LGBT rights.  So she doesn’t parrot HRCs talking points – so what.  She’s a unique – if not cookie cutter – example of a prominent LGBT relationship & family.

I met a lot of gay men who can’t stand and try to avoid bisexuals at all cost. But again, she’s only relating her experiences

I’m a Bi male, and fairly open about it.  I don’t get “dumped on”, or otherwise take it from anyone.  Mostly I try not to see in genders.  People are people, and I will be attracted to who I am.~ 

For me it’s about being with a person, not what’s in their pants.  Sorry gay and straight people, it is just not how I view the world.

This is why nobody wants to be the Miranda of the group

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Why is this so hard for people to understand.  We as a LGBT community profess that sexuality is fluid except when we want an icon to be definitive in someway that does not make sense for their understanding of their own sense of being. get over yourself.

I think what she is trying to say is that a lot of straight people don’t like bisexuals because they like both men and women and a lot of gays/lesbians don’t because they don’t fully identify with them..  I don’t think she meant it badly, bisexuals are seen by many, I think, as being too afraid to go over to the gay side.  At the same time though, I feel like everyone is more bi than straight or gay.  You can’t choose who you fall in love with, and so who’s to say that someone who has until now been attracted only to people of the opposite sex will not meet and fall in love with a person of the same sex?  I think all the labels are kinda stupid.  I identify as being gay but that doesn’t mean that, that won’t change, you just never know until it happens.

As a bisexual woman, I totally understand what she’s saying. We get shit from the conservative, secretly gay, homophobes, and we get shit from some gay people who think that we need to “pick a side.” Saying “nobody likes bisexuals” is a little extreme (I mean, horny teenage boys love bi girls…) but, there’s a note of truth to it.

I once had a lesbian tell me that she didn’t “believe in” bisexuals. It’s funny, I’m more accepted by heterosexuals than the LGBT community… 

[...] confession certainly runs in opposition of Cynthia Nixon’s theory that nobody likes the bisexuals, wouldn’t you [...]

I hear what Cynthia Nixon is saying. I have felt the sting of biphobia (I identify as bisexual and am proud to be one), and it sucks – ESPECIALLY coming from within the lgbt community. It is very hurtful and frustrating.

I think that since Cynthia Nixon is a celebrity and in the spotlight it may not be the best thing for her to say that she doesn’t call herself bisexual anymore because nobody likes a bisexual. I feel that celebrities have a magnifying glass on them and they need to choose their words very carefully.

I also feel that people can call themselves whatever they want to – I would call someone a pink buzzard if that is what they wanted to be called. If Cynthia Nixon is now claiming the label gay so be it – that’s the term she feels comfortable with. I just feel bad that there are bisexual people out there that don’t feel comfortable calling themselves “bisexual” for fear of being disliked just because of who they are.

I am bisexual and I exist.

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