The Bottom Whisperer: Whose Lips Have You Been Kissing?
The Bottom Whisperer, the gay love guru answers your love, dating and sex questions every week! Be sure to submit your questions to [email protected]
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Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I could use a little help. I have the hots for a girl in one of my grad classes. We have worked on a few projects together and even studied together outside of class. She is single and has a very flirtatious energy about her when we have spent time together. From all the information I have been able to gather, she was dating a guy for along time and has been single since they broke up over a year ago.
So my question for you is, how do I go about breaching the issue of whether she is into the ladies or not? And if she is do you think that it is cool for me to ask her out? I mean, I generally avoid ‘training wheel’ relationships where I am the other person’s first lesbian relationship. Because we are usually just in different places in our lives, it tends to not work out. Any advice?
Help Excited Love Momentum Ending There
Great question here! I find that when you are getting vibes from someone, there is usually something to it. Now this can be as basic as simple flirtatious behavior with minimal interest in taking it forward or full on interest. I can’t gauge from an email so I am going to have to advise you to go with your gut here. If I want to know if someone is gay I come forward and ask them. As long as it is for the right reasons and in a non-threatening way there should be no reason the person should be uncomfortable. However, asking in front of a group of people or asking someone you don’t know very well can be awkward and insensitive. If you feel that you have enough rapport with this girl, then ask her if she has any interest in ladies. If she asks why, what’s the harm in being honest and saying because you find her attractive? My point here is that if you simply sit back and wonder, you disqualify yourself from the opportunity to possibly make a romantic connection with someone. And the worst-case scenario here is she says she isn’t into ladies and you two still remain friendly. Emotionally secure people should react by being flattered when hit on by someone regardless of gender.
As for disqualifying folks for being new to the game, I know a ton of folks who are in happy committed relationships with their first same sex partner. Look, research suggests that LGB folks make up somewhere around 8-12% of the population. Why would you want to disqualify someone simply because they haven’t been out as long as you have? I make this same argument with total bottoms and total tops. If you like someone, put yourself out there in a respectful way and then make it work. Because in the end, it is about the person you are with and not who they use to date, how they like to get down in the bedroom or when they came out. Best of luck!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
Love your blog. Read it all the time. A question from my bestest gurlfriend and me:
We both like to go down on guys. We think we are pretty good at it, and because we are good at it we often get to swallow which we love, and our partners seem to as well, so win-win. The only problem is that sometimes we get the runs, which can hit any time from never to shortly after to a few hours later. Lacking any scientific terms for the phenomenon, we’re calling it jizzophageorrhea.
The symptoms aren’t that bad, really, just inconvenient, especially if the fear of something embarrassing happening puts an end to an otherwise fruitful evening. The problem goes away promptly afterwards but the whole business raises some interesting scientific topics never covered in middle school sex ed:
1) Does semen have nutritional value, e.g., digestible proteins? Fats? Calories? Minerals? Vitamins?
2) Is it possible the semen just slides right thru the digestive system, occasionally causing some havoc along the way?
3) How come my friend and I get jizzophageorrhea only some of the time we swallow? Do you think we could be allergic to some men’s spooge but not to the spooge of others?
4) Could eating more than one shot exacerbate the problem? Could the proteins from one man react badly with the proteins from another?
5) Do you know if other gay men ever report this phenomenon? We haven’t gotten up the chutzpah to ask the rest of our friends, even though a lot of them get as much as we do.
6) Do women who engage in oral sex have the same concerns?
Obviously we doubt Dear Abby will be interested, and Dan Savage is apparently too embarrassed to get back to us, so you’re our last and best hope.
Youth Undergoing Manly Mouthfuls Every Recreational Saturday
Sounds like quite the predicament. I figured I could use some insight into this problem you and your friend have been having so I spoke to a doctor friend of mine to get a better idea of what might be causing your…discomfort. Let’s get right to business here and get your questions answered.
Pertaining to the nutritional value of semen – yes, as a matter of fact semen does have some nutritional value. The average ejaculation contains 60 to 100 calories and trace amounts of protein, fat and carbohydrates. There are traces of minerals including zinc, citric acid, sodium and calcium. For a handy dandy breakdown of the nutritional value of semen and some interesting info you can impress your friends with at your next cocktail (pun intended) party, check out this awesome semen infographic.
Moving on to questions 2 to 5 here, it is entirely possible for people to have an adverse digestive reaction to semen. There are a number of variables which can cause this, including an allergic reaction to proteins found in the semen as well as an unusual pH level in the semen. It is also possible your sexual partner is on some sort of supplement that is not agreeing with you. To be honest, there are a number of things that could be going on here. You might be able to minimize some of these affects by having a meal before engaging in oral sex or simply finding other options outside of swallowing. T
his brings up a great opportunity for me to remind you that while giving oral sex is less risky in terms of HIV transmission, it is a highly risky activity for the transmission of other sexually transmitted infections including herpes and HPV, which recent studies suggest is contributing to the huge increase in head and neck cancer. In regards to question 6, women are at just as much risk as gay men of exposure to these kinds of oral sex woes.
Look YUMMERS, sex is exciting and fun and if I could have it every day I would. However, it is important to protect yourself from potential exposure to bugs that are going to cause you more discomfort than a case of the runs. I hope you will take my advice in the future and be careful what you put in your mouth!