The Bottom Whisperer: Get Some
Greetings everyone! Hope you all had a safe and sexy Valentine’s Day! If you haven’t already, head over to Facebook and become a Bottom Whisperer Fan!
If you have a question for The Bottom Whisperer, and no topic is off limits, e-mail [email protected]
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I love your columns and how well you answer the wide range of questions in the LGBT community that are presented to you! My question is on the more basic end and might have already been answered but thought I would ask you just the same.
I grew up in the woods of Pennsylvania and had slim pickings when it came to gay guys to be in a relationship with. The good thing about it was you knew who was gay because there were very few of us in the area – but the bad thing was it was slim pickings (beggars can’t be choosers). Still, I had a safe and healthy relationship through high school with a good friend of mine which prepared me for college and the real world. The environment really made me a stronger person and helped me understand what kind of guy I want to be in a relationship with.
I’ve recently moved to Chicago which, as a lot of the gay community knows, is a city full of happy homo’s! I’m loving it so far and meeting some nice people at local gay bars and clubs; but it’s hard to find a guy to be in a relationship with. All I encounter are guys that want to have sex in the back of their car or hook up every weekend. I feel that every time I go out to a gay club or bar I encounter that and I get the impression that a lot of bars and clubs are breeding grounds for a quickie. On top of that, my friend told me to try Grindr and Hornet to find guys but it’s basically the same thing. I feel like finding a great guy isn’t going to happen at a bar or club or on an App but I don’t really know where else to go to meet a guy that I can have a good relationship with.
Like I said earlier, I’ve met great guys at these joints but not relationship material. How do I expose myself in the right environment to find ‘Mr. Right’ in the gay community?
Thanks and All the Best,
Laughing Out Stress & Trouble
Thanks for the kind words and being a TBW and Unicorn Booty reader. Reading messages like yours makes me feel all warm and fuzzy so thanks for that!
On to the issue you’ve been having with finding quality guys in bars and clubs, this is something I hear a lot of guys talking about. But in order to wrap your mind around it, you have to understand the nature of going out to gay bars and clubs. Folks do it for different reasons. A lot of guys are out hoping to meet guys for dating and sex. Some guys, such as myself, go out with friends and like to focus on having fun with the group they are with. Some people use it to fill a social element. Maybe they are closeted at work and to their family so they go out to feel like a part of the community. There are a lot of different factors that go into the gay bar dynamic. The most prevalent I believe is to meet guys for sex. And when you have a bunch of horny gay men and add a few drinks, it is easy to see how it goes that way.
So LOST, my suggestion for you is to find other avenues to meeting datable men. Bars and clubs haven’t provided great results for you so far so it might be time to look elsewhere. I moved to a big city 8 years ago, was freshly out and not into going out to bars and clubs so I found some LGBTQ activity groups and began the process of making a great group of friends and activity partners. I even managed to meet a few nice guys for varying degrees of dates. I’m a sporty guy so it was easy for me to find various gay sports organizations. There’s rugby, soccer, softball, volleyball, water polo, cross country skiing and distance running groups out there. If these aren’t your thing, there is always gay yoga, gay hiking and camping… the list goes on and on. I’m sure a simple Google search will net you some solid leads. There is something really great about interacting with other members of the community. The social element of these activities can be a really fantastic experience.
Remember the good old days when you could meet a man at the church fair or the ice cream social? Yeah, me neither. Best of luck! It’s a jungle out there!
Big fan of the column. My girlfriend and I read it every week and think you are the tits. So she is probably going to read this if you use it in your column. Oh well, here goes nothing…
My girlfriend and I have a great sex life. We’ve been together for almost a year and get along splendidly. She is the apple of my eye. But there is one thing that drives me a little bit crazy about her… my girlfriend doesn’t like to go down on me. I mean, have you ever heard of a lesbian who doesn’t like to go down on their partner? For a while it made me insecure and we had a few talks about it. She just isn’t that into it. She will do everything else, and boy do I mean everything. She is totally down for whatever if it is fun and gets me off. She will go down, but clearly isn’t into it. She is open and honest about the fact that she just isn’t that into it. How do I find some common ground here? I don’t want to spend the rest of my life without having my box snacked on.
Lesbian Into Copious Kinks
Thanks for the great question. Believe it or not, I do know a few lesbians who don’t like to go down. I also know a ton of gay men who don’t do anal. Crazy, huh? Actually it isn’t so crazy to them. I am of the school that we are attracted to people and we make the whole sexy thing work with the parts we’ve got to work with. (Oops did I just come off sounding like a pansexual?)
I understand wanting to have as much oral sex as possible, wanting it day and night, wanting it in a boat, wanting it with a goat… er, ummm. You can see where I am going with this. So here is my advice to you LICK. Ask your lady if there is anything you can do to make her be a little more willing to go down on you. That really is all you can do. And if this doesn’t work, then you can engage in some of the hundreds and hundreds of other sexual activities that will bring you much sexual pleasure and build your connection with your lover. Yes, the grass is always greener. You have this woman you love who will do just about anything to get you off and you are left pining over this one thing.
As a side note, since your lady is already probably going to read this, isn’t this just a roundabout way of starting a dialogue with her on the subject? Aren’t you just using your old pal The Bottom Whisperer for a few sexual and communication pointers? Well I hope it works. And now that I feel all used up, I will wish you the best of luck and happy humping!