Pat Robertson: The Bible is VERY CLEAR About Skipping Your Lesbian Sister’s Wedding

Posted by Kevin Farrell on Mar 9, 2012 in The Hyperbolist | 11 comments

"Girl, get your nails done! Prioritize!"

Gay people defame their own bodies and do such evil, terrible things to themselves that the Bible itself nearly bursts into flames every time a lesbian wedding takes place.

It’s like the “every time a bell rings and angel gets its wings” scene from It’s a Wonderful Life, but with hellfire and scissoring.

Which is why Pat Roberson urges a woman who has been asked to be a bridesmaid in her sister’s wedding to not only decline the bridal duties, but to skip the entire wedding outright!

“The Bible is so clear” about this issue. Attending a lesbian wedding is tantamount to blessing an abomination with your own vagina! Come on now! This is practically Romans 101!

Kathryn, please make sure you pamper yourself the day you skip out of the festivities. Take a spa day. Get your hair did. Mani and pedi, even. Whatever you do, just make it worth it. To quote you, you’ll be “ruining your relationship” with your sister forever. So you might as well make it worth it.

It’s all there in the Bible, y’all!

http://profile.yahoo.com/LALXPEIV67K4G2LXNXJFMQM734 Aurastar

I can’t wait til I can move to the UK with my future waifu, far away with assholes like this guy!
Sophia Whitfield

Doesn’t the Bible also say to love one another and to not judge others? To not eat shellfish on Friday or mix fabrics like polyester and cotton? Maybe I’m only pulling specific things out of context but if it’s working for him it can sure as hell work for me.

http://pulse.yahoo.com/_UF3GYXT7ZYT5E5XM6GPHKXEXUY Dick L.T.

I like my worsted blends and oysters, thank you. But I’m a druid Pagan.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Virgo-Elizabeth-LaVierge/1181809716 Virgo Elizabeth LaVierge

This man is stupid. Noone should listen to him.
http://www.facebook.com/SiNT4X J.d. Ballard

To be perfectly honest, this man has a lot of *good* things to say as well. I’m tired of BOTH sides of the war-on-homosexuality associating anyone with one certain thing they don’t agree with with the “bad guys”. People need to quit searching for other people who agree with them 100%, because you’re only going to find one if you’re that damn lucky.

With that being said, NO I do not agree with this particular statement, but I still cannot be ignorant and say the guy is a complete idiot, because he is not.

Simmer down, people.

http://profile.yahoo.com/53QWWISISXVMW7FHEO2GMDNLXA Christopher

Have you actually watched his show? He asks for money way too much, he even promises that if you donate money that you will be blessed by God. The more you donate the bigger the blessing…. Not to mention the fact that he owns a diamond mine in Liberia where he employs children as workers for pennies a day. It’s funny that he thinks gay marriage destroys the institution of marriage yet thinks it’s acceptable if you want to divorce your spouse if they get Alzheimer’s. Cause you know, those vows that go “In sickness and in health” don’t pertain to mental health…yeah he’s Mother F*cking Theresa
Anonymous

Simmer down, my aunt Ida. This phony money grubber is the chief bad guy of evangelical fundamentalists on TV. Hopefully he’s the last one.
And, ignorance aside, you aren’t gay either. Or you’d be up in arms about some fundamentalist telling one family member to disrespect any member of their family over a trumped up, fake religious issue.

http://twitter.com/alyzu alyzu

Oy vey.
Anonymous

yup, that’s what his god would do, and his jesus too.
fuck’em they’s only homosexuals, nothing to get involved with.
move along now, the show’s over.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Victoria-Barmak/1018993650 Victoria Barmak

I doubt Jesus would agree with his statement.
http://twitter.com/johnwatersfan Grant

To be honest, I know how much having family and friends and your wedding means to you, but this woman getting married clearly must know about her sister’s issues with her homosexuality. I doubt it’s something that her sister has just been ignoring. That being said, why would you knowing invite your sister to be a bridesmaid in your wedding that she clearly doesn’t approve of. It’s almost like you would be trying to start some sort of family drama. A wedding invite is one thing, but a bridesmaid?

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