The Bottom Whisperer: Indestructible
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Hey Bottom Whisperer,
Long time reader, first time caller here. I had been seeing this wonderful man; he was kind, caring and thoughtful and we really understood one another. We had incredible plans to travel the US and Canada and probably get married while up North. Well, that was over a year ago. This incredible man died while recovering from a fairly routine knee surgery. My problem is this: he helped me feel more alive than I had been in years due to his infectious enthusiasm and positive attitude. I know he would want me to keep going and to be happy. I just don’t know how. How do I get past the gaping emptiness I feel to let love in again. Please help.
Love Opened Sacred Things
I am very sorry to hear about this terrible loss of life. Losing a loved one is one of the most terrible things a person can go through. As is the case with many matters of the heart, time and acceptance are the only things that can begin the healing process. I wish I had something else I could tell you, but as anyone who has experienced heartache can attest, there is no substitution for time in the healing process.
I would tell you that the old saying “It is better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all” carries a lot of wisdom. Your relationship with this incredible, beautiful man opened up a lot of things inside of you that you might not have known without him which is a beautiful thing. He gave you an incredible gift, and you him in your time together.
The time will come when you need to pick up the pieces and move forward. I think you know that if he were here he would not want you to let your sorrow hold you back from moving on with your life and pursuing the happiness that you deserve. People come in and out of our lives for different reasons and it is always tough when they leave before we feel like we were ready.
The only thing we can do is appreciate and love them when we have them. Best of luck to you.
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I am a 19-year-old gay male, and am in an amazing relationship with the love of my life. (We are coming up on 1 year soon!!!) Everything is amazing, we love each other, and are getting along fine. (and the sex is AWESOMEEEE…. just sayin..) The only real problem I am having however is kind of embarrassing and I don’t really know what to do…
I hate to throw labels out there, but right now, he is the bottom. Like, the sole bottom. And I have wanted to bottom for him for forever, and he would love it. The only problem is that every time we try, it is very painful for me.
Now, before you say anything, yes, I know that pain is normal. (like, duh.) But this is literally excruciating, and every time we try he has to stop and almost starts crying because he thinks he’s hurting me. I am by no means a virgin (or a slut lol) and I’ve had anal sex many times. I can’t get over this pain, and any pleasure I (may) receive just flees from my body.
It’s starting to get embarrassing, and I’ve even almost gone to the health center at my school. Is this normal, and what can I do? Thanks!
People Are Inwardly Needy For Ultimate Leisure
Thanks for the great question! Sounds like you are having some pretty serious discomfort in the bedroom with your man. There are a number of things that could be going on here so let’s toss a few ideas out and see if we can’t get to the root of the issue.
Might I suggest some less intrusive butt-play to get the ball rolling with things down there? There are a number of things you can do on your own to relax and get primed to be on the receiving end of your next sexual encounter. In addition, you can incorporate some fun and pleasurable activities into your lovemaking.
Let me spell it out for you PAINFUL – butt toys, rimming, fingering are all your friend when it comes to this kind of stuff. Oh yeah, and don’t forget lube! There is no such thing as too much! There are different kinds that might make for a better experience for you. A lot of men prefer silicon based lube which is condom safe and tends to keep from getting gummy.
It is unrealistic to just think you can jump on the bottom train pain free. I would strongly encourage you to spend some time on your own discovering the joys of anal pleasure before you give the boyfriend the green light again. There is a lot going on back there and you don’t want to injure yourself! Be kind to your bum and it will be kind to you.
Now as you suggested, there is the possibility that something could be going on medically with you that might prevent you from being on the receiving end in your sexual relationship. I’m going to tell you to take it easy and see a doctor if you think this could be the case. However, I am going to suggest you see a doctor who specializes in LGBT medicine for an issue like this. I just feel more comfortable talking to my gay doctor about these kinds of things, just personal preference.
Best of luck my friend! Be patient and communicate with your boyfriend and I am sure you’ll be a power bottom in no time! Be safe and happy humping!