Shunned Gay Son Steals Straight Brother’s Identity for Sleezy Shopping Spree
Glendale Police Det. Robert Zaun is calling Christopher Higa a person of “no morals or conscience” following his arrest for stealing the identity of his brother to purchase a car, and to rack up thousands of dollars in credit card bills and fraudulent bank accounts.
So how did this relationship become more brotherly shove than brotherly love?
Christopher Higa told police he used his brother’s identity at Toyota of Glendale to purchase a 2011 Chevy Malibu, which he returned after discovering he could get a better deal on a newer model at the Chevrolet dealership, according to police. He allegedly told Toyota employees that he was unable to make payments because he was unemployed, so they took the car back.
He is charged with six felony counts of identity theft, second-degree commercial burglary, grand theft auto, issuing multiple checks with insufficient funds, and grand theft of personal property for pilfering $950 from Mad Dog Bail Bonds, according to a Los Angeles County Superior Court complaint.
Ladies and gentlemen, a poor reception at your coming out cotillion* is no excuse to run off with your straight brother’s identity. Mom and pop loving your sibling best is no excuse to drag their name and credit through the mud. Christopher was busy signing bad checks when he could have been channeling his rage into DANCE! Or a future best-selling ugly duckling gay child memoir!
Also, who fraudulently buys a Chevy Malibu? You’re essentially stealing a car here, and you’ve got to know in advance that eventually you are going to jail for this. So why not go full-on Lambo? Porsche? Rover? Come on now, Amateur Hour!
Parents, be good to your gay children. Otherwise they might end up dragging the family name through the mud on the news.
*One is honor-bound to always mention Marissa, Summer and Anna’s (Confidence, Cohen.) debut from The O.C. whenever using the word cotillion. Fact.
(via LA Times)
**Update: There’s been some talk about my spelling sleezy incorrectly. You’re just lucky I didn’t use three e‘s. I’m a lowdown dirty mammajamma and when I say sleezy, I mean sleeeezy.