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Your Gay Mike and Ikes are Corrupting Our Children!
Look at this candy. They're like boxes of little penises! Touché, Tony Perkins.
Betcha didn’t know your favorite jellybeans were corrupting the nation’s youth, did you? Well that kind of talk won’t sway Tony Perkins, Right-wing Conservative and overt crazy person. He’s onto you!
Mr. Perkins, the president of the Family Research Council, has exposed the vile homo agenda and the plot to destroy our nation through the use of clearly homosexual Mike and Ike candy.
Why is Perkins suddenly all riled up about jellybeans? It’s because Mike and Ike parent company Just Born launched a new ad campaign in which Mike and Ike “split up,” because they couldn’t agree on the new flavor of candy or… something.
Absolutely despicable, amirite? I can tell why hate groups would get up in arms about chewy candy. It’s all just. So. Gay.
Here’s what Perkins had to say about whatever his case is:
He also refers to Mike and Ike as “the fruity pair.” Keepin’ it classy, as always. Jerk.
What’s funny is that Mike and Ike aren’t even real. They’re names. That’s literally it. Trojan Man is more real than Mike and Ike, if only for the fact that he has a torso.
What a valiant cause it is to go after a pair of allegedly gay, nonexistent candy makers. At least someone is sticking up for us here and protecting us from people that aren’t real and their not-real actions.
My suggestion? Go after Skittles next. They’re obviously supporting gay marriage by featuring rainbows in their ads. Derp.
What do you guys think? Which candy makes a mockery of your beliefs?
(via Right Wing Watch)
