The Bottom Whisperer: Girls On Film
Keep the great questions coming! I want to hear from you! Email questions to [email protected]! Let’s get to this week’s questions!
I recently read your response to Flamer in last week’s column and I was a little confused. I myself always found myself not wanting to date certain types of gay men, like femms. My reasoning for not dating feminine gay men was mostly out of fear. I had a fear of being out in public and getting into an argument with someone. I’ve never backed down from anyone and I know I would probably wind up in a lot of trouble.
I have a great partner now and we’ve been together for five years. My friends say he’s a bit femmy but I’ve never noticed it. I fell in love with him for who he is, but I wonder if I was being prejudicial against my fellow gay men before I found my partner? I’ve never considered myself to have a problem with who I was, because I’ve never cared what others thought about me. What are your thoughts?
Mad About Stupid Classification
Thanks for being a reader of the column! I actually got a lot of comments about last week’s column, some positive and some negative. I was simply pointing out that it hurts our community when other members of it put others down or try to exclude them. We all march in the same parade so there really is no use trying to come off as more masculine or more straight-acting (that word makes me cringe) than others. Who really is bothered if a gay guy is feminine? Who does it really hurt?
Now on to your question, what do I think about you not wanting to date femmy guys because you were scared of what people might say or do? I don’t really think anything about that. I grew up in a very conservative suburb in The South. I played sports, had girlfriends and basically tried to hide the fact that I was gay much of my life. This is the environment we grew up in and we are products of that environment. I am glad that you have found someone special and don’t feel ashamed to be with them out of fear that people might recognize that you are in a relationship together. I think this speaks volumes. So go on loving your man and if a gay walks by with a swish so fierce he could sweep the street if there was a broom coming out of his ass, give him some respect and encourage others to do the same. Much love and happy humping!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
A few months back I began chatting with guys online through a certain gay hookup site that won’t be named. Anyways, I chatted with a few guys on Skype and long story short, began having some pretty hot cam sessions with some of them. This was something totally new to me and I never really thought that it was my deal but come to find out, I really enjoy it and find it to be quite a turn on. Fast forward a few weeks to the past few weeks and I find myself seeking out this type of interaction with guys instead of the real, in the flesh hook-up.
I get home from my day job and instantly log on to see if any of my ‘chat’ buddies are online. If they are we chat about our days before we get down and dirty for one another. Is this normal? I find myself less and less interested in meeting up with guys for sex, preferring to cam with these guys online instead. Is this healthy? Is something wrong with me? I want to know what you think.
Curious 2 Consider
So you find yourself less and less interested in actual, physical sexual contact, instead electing to simply sit in front of the computer and spank it from a distance for one another? I can’t tell you if this is a weird thing or not because honestly, I don’t know your situation. Let’s look at the positive aspects of this. Short of electrocution and making a sticky mess out of your keyboard, this is a completely healthy alternative to sexual contact. I know a number of couples in long distance relationships that admit to doing the dirty for one another on cam. If you find yourself less interested in meeting someone nice or suddenly felt unable to get it on with someone who you had feelings for in the flesh, then I would say that this could be a problem.
Look, I can’t shake my finger at you for A) Being a horny, red-blooded gay man B) Masturbating (everyone does it, even animals) or C) Finding an alternative outlet for your sexual behavior that does not involve high-risk sexual contact with guy you have only exchanged a few messages with on Scruf, Grindr, Adam4Adam, Manhunt or whichever of the dozens of other apps that are out there to facilitate hooking up.
If you are happy and treating yourself with respect and making good life choices, then continue to do so. But everything in life needs to be enjoyed in moderation and please make sure aren’t neglecting your interpersonal relationships in favor of some hot boys online! Happy cyber-humping!