The Boy Band Virus is Spreading… Do You Know Where Your Children Are?
A familiar trend is slowly creeping up the pop charts. It’s gradual, but I’ve built a well-stocked bunker to err on the side of caution. Boy bands are coming back with a vengeance, and I want us to take a moment to prepare.
Hopefully the government will keep the pandemonium to a minimum, (those Bieber Fever vaccinations were really painful) but I’d recommend a lofty supply of water and packaged meals, just in case an explosion of teenagers descends upon innocent civilians to hunt down Pitchfork readers for their blood sacrifices.
When I started to hear buzz about this new band called The Wanted, I assumed they were some emo-y kids from the suburbs who still haven’t gotten over their high school girlfriends – It just sounds like that type of band name. Upon further investigation, I was surprised to find they are responsible for the song “Glad You Came.”
Pop has settled into a post-Gaga, trance-influenced sound that is dominating the airwaves. I mean, have you heard Nicki Minaj’s new single? I didn’t expect to see a group of boys following the trend, but I guess it was only a matter of time.
The Wanted were put together after a mass audition, and are managed by Scooter Braun, the evil genius responsible for Justin Bieber. He was so successful with one twink-y pop singer, imagine what he can do with five! Scooter better watch his back, because Simon Cowell has his own arsenal of baby-faced cuties to plaster all over your bedroom walls: One Direction.
The music is catchy, but I’m a bit disappointed in the presentation. Call me old fashioned, but I want my boy bands doing choreography in matching tacky outfits. I feel like a total curmudgeon saying things like, “When I was your age, our boy bands wore silver pants and danced for a living.” Does this mean I’m behind the times?
Apparently, this isn’t a new development. Reuters reports:
If One Direction are the co-ordinated, clean-cut, media-savvy boy band, The Wanted are the rebellious antidote, uncensored by their team and left to win over audiences by goofing around with each other, and the media.
…Both bands fall squarely into the pop genre, with One Direction embracing innocent, fun love songs such as with their lead single “What Makes You Beautiful,” which peaked at No. 4 on the Billboard Hot 100.
The Wanted have taken a more adult route, with heavier dance beats and raunchier music videos such as their single “Glad You Came,” peaking at No. 3 on the Billboard Hot 100 singles chart.
Do you mean to tell me the virus is mutating? Take note now, my friends, because this might be the beginning of a global epidemic. It’s a pop apocalypse or a-pop-calypse, if you will.
Are you worried about the “new breed” of boy bands and the potential damage they can do? Also, who will be the first to come out of the closet?