The Bottom Whisperer: Too Much
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I always really enjoy reading your columns so I thought you could probably offer some top-notch advice. I am a 25-year-old trans woman. I live in a suburb of St. Louis and feel very disconnected from the LGBTQ community. I have had zero luck with finding anyone to date. I have used some hook-up sites to meet and chat with guys but most people make me feel like a freak. What is a girl to do who wants to meet a nice guy to date who won’t mind that I am still biologically a man? Is there anyone out there who is interested in being with a trans person? Help!
Looking Outside Never Earns Respect
Is there anyone who wants to date/get with a trans person?!? Take a look at the amount of trans erotica being consumed. While it may be taking a while for trans people to become more visible in today’s culture, there have been huge breakthroughs in the past few years. There are a huge number of people out there into trans people romantically and sexually, whether they are in transition or not. Now looking for guys on sites like Manhunt isn’t going do you much good much like going to a church BBQ isn’t the best place to meet emotionally available gay men. You need to go where people in your community are. This also is probably not in suburban St. Louis, my dear. You need to pack up and move to a big city where there are like-minded individuals. This would also be beneficial in finding peers who you can relate to and have rewarding interpersonal relationships with.
It is common for many GLBTQ folks to feel alone and isolated at points in their life. It is important to feel good about yourself and comfortable with who you are. These are the qualities, not your gender or current state of transition, that will attract others to you. Not everyone is open-minded enough to look past the physical but that is their baggage to deal with and not yours. Put your best foot forward and you will benefit greatly in life. Did that sound like something out of a fortune cookie? Sheesh! Happy humping!
Bottom Whisperer, help!
Issues, girl! Been seeing an awesome guy for a few months now. Kinda new to the game as far as bottoming goes. My problem is that I want to be more versatile for the sake of fairness with my partner but every time I bottom I lose all sensation in the Netherlands. Catch my drift? Like zero sensation, zero change of getting off. I’m getting to a point where I actually enjoy the physical stimulation going on out back, but what’s the use if I can’t achieve orgasm? It is also making my boyfriend uncomfortable. He doesn’t have any problem with getting off when he bottoms so I am worried he is starting to take it personally. What is going on with me and how do I fix it?
Need Understanding My Buddy
I’m always amazed when gay men don’t get the results they want right away when jumping into the bottoming game. Apologies for the sports analogy, but would a coach throw someone out in a game and expect them to throw a perfect touchdown pass without a little practice? No sir, they would not.
I too have experienced a loss of sensation in the place under my bathing suit when indulging in some ‘stimulation going on out back’. Two words are going to really help you out in this situation my friend, butt toys. Start small and work your way up in size/intensity. This will go a long way in helping you be able to enjoy bottoming with your boyfriend. Your willingness to give it a shot shows you care about your boyfriend and want to enjoy a sexual relationship based on equal footing. This is great!
There is a lot going on down there and you have to work out and train those muscles to work in the way that you want it to. You can’t just give it a go once in a while and expect everything to go as planned. Work it out and work your way up to it! Happy humping!