Justin Bieber Reveals the Nickname of His Allegedly Gargantuan Penis

Posted by Kevin Farrell on May 23, 2012 in Genital Warfare | 68 comments

Bieber. Jerry Bieber. At your service.

“Yep!” he boasted to The Sunday Times. “The fans named my penis ‘Jerry’, which is funny.”

Why Jerry?

“Um, Jerry was actually the largest man,” he smirked, attempting a joke about Jerry Sokoloski, a 7’5″ 450 pound basketball player known as the “tallest man in Canada.”

Other fun facts shared by the Biebs in The Sunday Times? His hands and feet sweat profusely, and he can’t quite grow a full mustache yet. His eyebrows however are straight up OOC.

And while Justin’s camp would prefer we use this as an opportunity to include his Boyfriend video, we’ve decided to go a different route with today’s musical number.

Kids! They grow up so fast.

Still, we’re not fully buying this Jerry business. What would YOU name Justin Bieber’s penis instead?

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=592796245 Trenton Flock

Seems with everyone calling him The Bieb they should just call it The Ween, which is an aptly repugnant sounding word. This whole thing is making me question the wisdom of my pop literacy kick. I think I should retreat into my cave of books and never return.

http://profile.yahoo.com/NVMUMSIP6WI3G7ZLLFHZIRSXGE Roax Xanthamonas

Aww, but that sullies the name of a far superior band.
Also, since when is he 18? I don’t think it’s okay to talk about his pee-pee yet. He’s like 12 or something.

http://www.facebook.com/kita.meridian Krista Gossett

Yeah, right, more like Thumbkin. I can see him singing that damn song when he plays with it in the bathtub too.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Charles-Stearns/100001316360952 Charles Stearns

Does anyone care?
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000831662145 Vigo Beninger

hahaha garagnutuan, mabye in respect to his body that is hahahahah
but btw biebs nice bod, not bad for a 18 yr old that looks like a 16 yr old dyke but hey still , Props
Anthony Ross

Name his penis… That’s just silly, science already named it… its called a vagina.

http://profile.yahoo.com/HDLAHWRR5UHJCESX52COY4V3XY evan

I was just going to say vagina
http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-Rowse/789419318 Robert Rowse

You win all the cool points for the year
http://www.facebook.com/people/Rafe-Bragg/10205760 Rafe Bragg

and for the win!

http://www.facebook.com/gareth.reed.7 Gareth Reed

the invisile manhood.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7IBG4BF22EGPPU33PFOFFXWKS4 David

we constantly feed our demise………
http://www.facebook.com/superbenben Ben Luepnitz

I dont see a bump of any kind coming outward from those sweats…are you sure he not talking about his inside out ween? you know, the va-j j

Anonymous

You may not see anything on the sweats, but watch this vid at about 00:38.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkoWbwooVL4&t=35s

http://twitter.com/wowitsbranden PerryAwesome

that’s tiny….my dog has a bigger package than that…
http://www.facebook.com/people/Pup-McKeenan/100001065596182 Pup McKeenan

so she’s wearing a micro cup. bug deal. everyone in Canada wears them for pick up hockey games.

http://www.facebook.com/greensinglemommy Jessica Stone Troy

I would name it Justin Beiber’s Penis. Over and done with.
Heard a rumor he is intact though. That’s awesome.
http://www.facebook.com/BubbaJester Chris Chapman

Seriously…who gives a shit?
Anonymous

I think it should just be “Beib’s Peen”
http://profiles.google.com/sara.e.munoz Sara Munoz

His FANS named it? That’s kind of disgusting.
Anonymous

Name it? Unbelievably Boring?
Kevin Webb

I was thinking the name was meant in an ironic way. Maybe he was amused because he appreciates irony?
Phil Mata

I didn’t know there was even speculation that his penis is “gargantuan.” Not the least bit surprised however.
Mine is named Cocktimus Prime — more than meets the eye (or so I delude myself).
http://www.facebook.com/people/Benjamin-Spiderm/100000682860873 Benjamin Spiderm

Waldo, for where is Waldo.
http://www.facebook.com/michael.lassell Michael Lassell

I was thinking “Pip.” And it’s squeaky clean.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001801928255 Julia Plafker

Why not The Invisible Man?
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=730504370 Curtis Smith

“Just-out” Bieber
http://twitter.com/yero69 Mick Lee

An adolescent male with delusions of grandeur about his penis size that is something new
http://www.facebook.com/people/Christopher-Cox/1308360442 Christopher Cox

first off, slow news day? second has he bulked up or are they just getting amazing with photoshop?
Anonymous

Straight guys always think they have a HUGE one. They need to get out more.
http://www.MaleEroticDungeon.com/ Michael!

Why are fans naming his penis? Was there some sort of contest? Why are enough people familiar with it to name it? If he does in fact have a large cock that could explain the draw (or make one for me). What am I missing here?
http://www.facebook.com/people/Pup-McKeenan/100001065596182 Pup McKeenan

if he has a penis that big you can be sure it was bought and is a strap on. His testicles haven’t even dropped yet nor his voice. Justina is a woman in boy drag.
Anonymous

the word Allegedly seems correct. Because little boy you are serving up some small dick realness baby. The song is PERFECT because he’s not a girl but he isn’t a woman yet. I’m waiting for him to come out when he’s in his 30s like ricky martin. And then he’ll be the power bottom Jesus Cristo intended him to be.
http://twitter.com/TheBippi Bry

And did he give his brain a name? How about pea?
http://profile.yahoo.com/2HULSRBLB3ZFJIASFXOQM6CBYM Keefer

Who cares about anything this immature twit says/does? Sheeeesh.
Lonny Parr

Uck! He names his penis Jerry Sukalotski and thinks 7.5″ is gargantuan ( in a magnifying cosmetics mirror)? Kids.
http://www.facebook.com/rbayse Roland Bayse

How can you name it without playing with it first?
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=561513991 Adrian Serrano

i would name it gobbledycock because he actually has a very large vagina.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000035047164 Gus Anderson

People who have to talk about theirs typically have nothing to talk about.
http://twitter.com/spyridonkagkas Spyridon Kagkas

“Jesus”, not beacause when you see it you go “Jesus!”, but because you need to be a Belieber to believe it exists!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Zak-Dwyer/100002028525182 Zak Dwyer

I swear there was funny in here a minute ago. It must have left when you came in.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1443795670 Joey Lopez

wtf is OOC???
http://twitter.com/under_armour_ Ray Wright

I need to see it before I can think of a name
Anonymous

… “WHERE’S-thee-BEEF?!?” LOL!!!
Anonymous

pinnochio
http://www.facebook.com/people/Brock-R-Gemberling/641535935 Brock R. Gemberling

a vagina
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003919053259 James Taylor

It’s called puberty.
http://ocdbloggergirl.wordpress.com/ Lisa

“Little Pal”
Cecilot Pelletier

Lil Usher?
http://www.facebook.com/dhatprince Anthony Prince Taha

I think Jerry fits just fine (Jerry is the mouse from the Old cartoon TOM and Jerry) lol
http://www.facebook.com/bruce.lennon.7 Bruce Lennon

Mulva
http://twitter.com/discoromance Aaron Illingworth

I’m sorry, but when men boast about the size of their member, that usually indicates a less than average length.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1594110116 Nhia Pheng Thao

that is so true.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000626772129 Sarah Parsons

Squirt.
Worried_in_Brooklyn

Ask me if I care and the answer is I DO NOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.facebook.com/ChrisDFrankLMT Chris Haley

“Little Jayjay.”
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=546376098 Carly Bryant

Non-existent.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Doneau-Probst/1773769919 Doneau Probst

I’d name it Dr. Delusional
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=746279453 Scott Hummel

funny, i had heard the name for his 13 inch penis was “Usher” and it was up his bum…. just a joke, know im just hating cuz he isnt my bf
http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-SeePhotography/100002622809200 Michael SeePhotography

Yeah I name his penis “Clitoris”
http://www.facebook.com/g.alex.fox Khai Fox

I would name it “binkie” because it’s probably super tiny in a really cute twink way that would make you want to top him and never touch his penis.
http://www.facebook.com/jmfp1991 Jevon Martiano

they meant Jerry…like Tom & Jerry.
jdrndc

It’s been my experience that people who clam that they have a large penis, usually have a microscopic one.
Jamme Chantler

I’d name it Tiny Tim.
http://twitter.com/BobAKABuffy BobAKABuffy

I would’ve guessed SHIRLEY.

As in “Shirley there isn’t much of one”.
http://twitter.com/MeridaMiller Merida Miller

HAHAH I love you guys.. “we’ve decided to go a different route with today’s musical number.’
http://www.facebook.com/phoenix.oakley Phoenix Oakley

Lunch
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000589072445 Jim Philbrick

Someone who is as thin as he is probably thinks he’s big down there but it’s an optical illusion. Rail thin bods make things look larger than they are
http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Reeves/100000349124321 Michael Reeves

i need to see it first :3 but i think ill name it Midge

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