Bullied 7-Year-Old Commits Suicide. SEVEN.

Posted by Kevin Farrell on May 25, 2012 in Bad News | 25 comments

A Detroit family has suffered an unthinkable loss after a 7-year-old boy took his own life. SEVEN, people.

The 7-year-old, whom the Free Press is not naming, had been depressed about being bullied by other kids at school and in his neighborhood, and about his parents’ recent separation, the boy’s mother told police, according to the report.

“It’s just a tragedy on so many levels,” Detroit Police Chief Ralph Godbee Jr. said Thursday, calling the situation “unfathomable.”

He said the department is investigating the child’s death, but as of Thursday afternoon, it appeared the situation is “exactly as presented” — a suicide.

But what’s this?

The mother also told police her son was being counseled by the family’s pastor to help him cope.

Look, there’s nothing in this news report to suggest that the unnamed boy was being bullied as a result of his sexual orientation. But his perceived sexual orientation? Maybe. Classmates apparently endlessly hounded the victim because he was the only boy in a home of 8 girls.

So if – if, if, if, I know – concerns about sexual orientation or gender identity were part of this boy’s struggle to make it through each day without being made to feel absolutely worthless by his classmates, then I think it’s fair to say that the family’s pastor may have not been the best person to help this boy cope.

I may be projecting my own experience with religion, clergy and sexual orientation onto this story here, but I can’t help but imagine a young boy who suspects he might be gay, who is taunted every day because he appears to be gay being told by the adult trusted with his psychological wellbeing – in this case a pastor – that being gay is a sin, and that gay people are not worthy of God’s love.

What would that do to the boy? How would that make him feel?

Broken, I would guess. It would probably make him feel absolutely broken and unlovable and very wrong inside.

Knowing what we do about LGBT youth and the enormously higher suicide rates they face because of the enormously higher bullying they face, this hypothetical doesn’t seem entirely out of the realm of possibility, does it?

But I guess we’ll never know.

Our deepest condolences go out to the family, friends and loved ones he left behind. What a tremendous waste of life.

(via Detroit Free Press)

Kaoru Negisa

We also don’t know if this was an affirming church or not, though the odds that it is are pretty slim. I think that when we discuss this pastor, we need to point out that people who don’t have extensive psychological training shouldn’t be counseling people at all. That pastor has roughly the same qualifications as I do to talk to that boy, and while somebody to talk to is rarely a bad thing, it’s best to not talk to somebody who has an agenda other than the health and well being of the person in measurable ways. That is to say, any pastor worth their salt should be concerned about the soul of the patient as much as their mental health, and considering their soul is a fairly arbitrary concept, it distracts from mental health concerns.

http://unicornbooty.com Unicorn Booty

Well said, Kaoru!
http://www.facebook.com/dseilhan74 Dana Seilhan

This isn’t about whether someone has “extensive psychological training.” This is about, as you point out later in your comment, whether the person has an agenda. People with “extensive psychological training” often have agendas, and not being able to talk to anyone but a therapist about your problems means that only people with lots of money will ever get to talk with anyone about their problems. I don’t think you want to live in a world like that and I *know* I don’t.

We need to get away from this Cult of the Expert “only go to authorized personnel for help” crap. Whatever happened to just having friends and family to turn to? And even an “untrained” minister can be a compassionate and listening ear IF, again, he or she doesn’t have an agenda to be abusive to the misfits of the congregation.

Kaoru Negisa

The problem is that there are things that do require experts. Depression is not just some passing phase that you can talk out, it’s an illness. If I’m having a heart attack, sure I want the guy with First Aid training to keep me alive for the ambulance to get there, but I don’t want that same person performing bypass surgery on me. I want a surgeon, preferably a cardiac surgeon, because they’re an expert. A compassionate and listening ear is fine, but if the boy was suffering to the point that he committed suicide, then he needed more than that, or a license in social work, or a degree in divinity. He needed a professional psychiatrist or psychologist who dedicated more than a decade of their lives to learning exactly how to approach problems like this, none of which involve the evocation of supernatural entities.

That being said, I believe you have a point that going to professionals is costly, but I don’t think that points to entrusting your child’s mental health to somebody who’s primary job is to convince people to believe a certain way instead of solving the issue. Again, I wouldn’t go to a butcher to have my tonsils removed because it’s cheaper. I have great respect for butchers and love mine to no end, but he’s not qualified to address a serious medical issue.

I think it does point to remaking the system so that it’s not impossible for lower income people to get professional help, however. One way we could have helped this kid is by finding ways to make “psychiatrist” as viable an option as “pastor.” You’re absolutely right, it’s a terrible idea to think of living in a world where only the wealthy have access to experts, but rather than degrade the work of experts, perhaps we can find ways to make those experts more accessible.

http://profile.yahoo.com/XT7EVHQE7RF67Z3QO6YOIHNRVI Ski-Daddle

“That pastor has roughly the same qualifications as I do to talk to that boy”
Do you actually know his pastor, Kaoru, when you weren’t even given the identity of the child ? How can you judge the training he received in counseling while in seminary ? FYI, there are many psychiatrists out there charging approx. $150 an hour who could care less about the individuals they are counseling. You can not judge someone’s ability strictly by a professional title.

http://www.facebook.com/joshuaarcher Joshua Archer

This makes me sad
http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Gross/1070642616 Steven Gross

I don’t think anyone should jump to conclusions just yet, the entire thing is pretty much just speculation… But regardless, I agree that being a pastor doesn’t make you qualified for ANYTHING.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1132429329 Amanda McDonald

How very sad :’(
Anonymous

2 things about this article. First i think it’s pretty low to suggest that the child’s sexual preference or the pastors lack of qualification for counseling about sexuality had anything to do with his teasing or suicide, To politicize a child’s death for your own ends is shocking and shameful. Secondly, we don’t actually know what this particular pastors qualifications are. My mother is a minister, but also a degreed and licensed social worker and counselor. She continues to get continuing education and training credits, as all those in the field do. I don’t think it’s fair or informative to put your own bias and agenda onto a tragedy such as this.
If your points were fact based they would be good ones, but they aren’t so they just look desperate.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000451850693 Ashley Valencia

THANK YOU. This is the lowest, most awful thing I’ve ever seen unicornbooty post and they’ve had some doozies in the past. You don’t know anything, you’re just assuming things about the boys life so that you can use it for your cause. This is a terrible tragedy and for someone to use this poor little boy’s suicide as cannon fodder…it’s disgusting. And you can put “if” in there as many times as you want, and make it bold and put it in a bigger font – it doesn’t make your actions any more redeemable or any less stupid.
Chreiya

Wait, this is LOW? They go for what’s the most obvious reasoning for why the poor boy is no longer with us, and you call that LOW? wtf.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=561082132 Hugh Haiker

While I am extremely appreciative of UB’s special flavor of bias, I am extremely disappointed in this article. To apply your experience with clergy in completely unsubstantiated ways to this situation is just plain irresponsible. The logical fallacies and conjecture seem more like a vendetta against nonsecular approaches to life than any real commentary on this tragic event. If anything, you add distress to an already sad circumstance. Shame on you.
http://www.facebook.com/skaterboymix Jeffrey Lommel

I really don’t think we should be making this a gay issue in the least. The pastor, most likely did the best to his ability. However, the issue to me is that older generations seem to not realize the extent of what is happening at what ages. Many parents still believe their high school teen’s are still virgins, however young women’s average loss of virginity is 13, boys, 11-12. At Seven years old kids are not just pushing kids on the play ground anymore. I thik the pasotor likely did the best he could, Seven really would be too young for a close minded pastor to jump on the, “you are an abomination” train and what not. He likely gave the advice to “be humble and walk away” thinking the bullying was just kids being kids. This is a tragedy that at 7 a kid made the choice not to live another day. I heart goes out to this family, and Unicorn Booty, shame on you for making this a gay issue. While this blog is usually full of opinions, this one is just flat out wrong (ethically and as a journalist)
http://www.facebook.com/apocalypse.wow Allison Freihage

I am also very disappointed in you, Unicorn Booty. I normally enjoy every one of your posts but I read this as you projecting your negative experiences onto this heartbreaking story and turning it into a gay issue. Shame on you indeed!
Anonymous

For WHATEVER reason this boy committed suicide, this story is horrifying. He was effing seven years old, and something tells me there was so much more wrong here than what this article wants us to believe.
Was the bullying a problem? Yes. But what about his parent’s separation, and the fact that a TRAINED psychologist wasn’t helping him, pastor or no? There is just so much more to any story than is ever told.
We should keep that in mind as we do our best to make the lives better of EVERY child, regardless of their situation, and not try to use their story to make a point that may not even be there. The bullying of children for any reason should be our concern, not just sexual orientation.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-Poole/1779106215 Jessica Poole

This is awful! I can’t believe that the mother of this child would go to an uneducated person to counsel her son! the only person who should do such is someone who is educated and specially trained in such things. Period.
http://www.facebook.com/kelly.snell Kelly Snell

I took this:
“…the fact that he had been bullied continuously by the children at school, in addition to the constant teasing that he had endured because he was the only boy in the home of eight females,”
to mean that he was bullied constantly at school and separately, that being the only boy in the family his sisters teased him/ganged up on him. What in the article even hints at his sexual orientation / perceived orientation being a factor? Is there information from another source that I’m missing?
And no, a pastor isn’t a mental health professional…but it’s quite the leap for assume that he was 1) bullied due to a perception that he was gay and 2) that the pastor was unsupportive of him
http://www.facebook.com/people/Sarah-Marie/1413875393 Sarah Marie

Regardless of whether or not a pastor would make a good pastor, a school counselor may have been the better choice as the problem most likely would have been addressed, especially if the child had feelings of depression. If seven and eight year-olds can drive one of their peers into suicide, there is something wrong with society.
Poor kid.
Christoffer Woodard

People claiming to be Christians are often hate-filled disgusting excuses for human beings, let alone clergy, e.g. the dangerous disgusting idiot pastor who recently said that homosexuals should be put behind electrified fences. However, if this kid had been talking to my church’s rector (main priest), he would have been talking to a loving affirming social worker and therapist with much experience in psychology and therapy. Or maybe he could have talked to our assistant priest who is openly gay himself. Not all Christians are the same, sir.
Christoffer Woodard

Also, don’t politicize tragedies before information is available. UB is above that. You often are a righteous and wonderful voice of justice and anger at the discrimination that LGBTQ people face. Take the high road. We’re better than them (them being those who discriminate and hate), quite frankly. We must remember that and act accordingly so as to show them who we are and what we stand for.
http://profile.yahoo.com/HDLAHWRR5UHJCESX52COY4V3XY evan

This isnt even about sexual orientation this is about a boy being teased for whatever reason and taking his life it’s about bullying whether he was gay or straight.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1380498048 Tony Cruz

Wow people make me sick you idiots who comment
http://www.facebook.com/people/Kevin-Michael-DAngio/723244414 Kevin Michael D’Angio

I think it’s time Unicornbooty started hiring new writers. The whole subject of this story is that a seven year old committed suicide. There was no need to speculate about his sexual orientation and certainly no evidence to suggest that the Pastor who was counseling the boy was a negative influence on his mental health. Using this story to further some sort of anti-christian agenda is the only agenda I see here making your whole argument hypocritical and honestly shameful. There is a grieving family in Detroit and the last thing that should be speculated on was whether the boy was gay or not. He was seven years old, I’m sure he was still afraid of “cooties”.
http://twitter.com/johnwatersfan Grant

I think I may agree on some comments that there is no way of knowing whether or not this had anything to do with the kid being gay. It’s a tragedy that he was so depressed because of bullying and other things to take his life. However, I do agree that sending your kid to a Pastor to be counseled for any reason is a mistake.

Yes, I’m putting my own life experiences in there, and some are probably licensed social workers and might be qualified for that type of experience. This one could have been as well. Who knows? What I do know is that from my experience and from what I’ve seen most religious leaders will tell people that the first person you need to turn to in a crisis is Jesus Christ. I’m sorry, this is by far the worst thing to tell anyone who is depressed. “Depressed? Just Pray! It will make everything better.” It may work for some, but clearly prayer is just something that is going to work for those who truly believe, and even then it doesn’t really work as we know. I was appalled at a friend’s wedding when the priest told the newly married couple that when there were problems in their relationship, and if their friends and family weren’t near, there was always one person around, Jesus Christ. Really? Oh, my relationship isn’t working, so I should pray to Jesus to fix it?

I know I’m offending Christians out there with this statement (I offend a lot of people though). It’s just ridiculous to think that a Pastor could give this child the help he needed to get through a difficult situation.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2Y3QUYV7RDQDDOKIMPX7TKSQPA futuristlimited

So I will project my own BIAS here as a bullied gay kid. I grew up southern baptist and was told I was going to burn in hell if I didn’t get baptized at 16 years old. I loved my pastor and he looked me dead in the eye saying to get those evil little thoughts out of my head or I will burn burn burn. I had already attempted suicide twice. And then to be raped by my dad’s friend in the military. I don’t condemn religion, I condemn non-supportive humans. Humans who use their position to bully kids. Being beat up in elementary or middle school was NOTHING compared to being let down by my pastor who I confided in. He announced it to the church by the way. Because that’s how sin is derided from a 16 year old boy? THIS IS RIDICULOUS. Seven. I was 11 when I tried and my sister caught me and cried with me for hours. What I will say is please parents trust and respect yourself enough to talk to your kids about everything that is going on with them. LOVE love love love love them more than your own life. And if you sense they might be in trouble…more than likely they ARE!!

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