The Bottom Whisperer: Knock On Wood
If you missed last week’s column, check it out here! Now on to this week’s questions…
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I badly need your advice. I am a MTF transsexual. I have never came out, in fact due to circumstance, I moved over 800 miles from home because I knew I would never be able to be myself there.
In my new town, I have found myself gradually opening up and being myself more. My problem though is that I have always wanted to meet another trans person that I could lean on for advice. Well I have finally met this wonderful trans woman that has become a great friend for me. I haven’t come out to her though, and have no idea how to bring it up. I keep trying to drop hints hoping she will bring it up. It’s just that I have never had someone like this I could open up to and have no idea how to do so. Please advise!
Help Instruct Neurotic Trans Youth
Thanks for being a reader of the column and for your great question! It is entirely possible that your tarns-woman friend, because she is in a different place in her life, has become so comfortable and accepting that she doesn’t need to ‘come out’ and simply accepts you for who you are. This is a fantastic thing because someday you too will feel effortlessly accepted and comfortable in your own skin (I hope you do now or are at least on the pathway to feeling this way). In truth it is really none of anyone’s business what gender, sexual preference, political affiliation, religion, favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry’s you like/date/practice/have going on downstairs…. are you catching my drift here?
It is completely natural to seek out peers who can relate and identify to the issues we deal with on a day to day basis. It is easier to let down your guard about things that are going on with you when you know that someone has also gone through a similar experience. I would strongly encourage you to seek out other people whom you can relate to. I am a huge proponent of GLBTQ support and activity groups.
So HINTS I want you to continue to open up and be the person who you are deep down inside. Don’t feel the need to conceal who you are because when you do so, you only validate the idea that you are different or weird or have something to be ashamed of. And who knows, you might inspire someone to do the same. Best of luck!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I feel like I belong in a gay edition of Another Teenage Movie. I am a 19-year-old gay, male student in a large metropolis area attending one of the largest universities in the nation. I am, essentially, emerged in a sea of gays here; there are the frat-jock gays, musical gays, party gays, activist gays, artsy gays, fashion gays, and any other gay sub-culture you can think of.
With such a large and diverse pool of people to date from I still find myself attracted to a guy who I know I could never have: my best friend. We met at the begging of the academic quarter through an LGBTQ club on campus and started hanging out afterwards. We soon realized that we had much in common and out relationship quickly evolved into being best friends. It is rare if I go 24 hours without seeing him. We are always at his house, going out together, grabbing diner with one another, walking about on campus, and attending various shows around campus (abet, we usually have other with us as well like our “core” group of friends). My roommate has even commented on how he rarely sees me now that he and I met. In all of this, I have developed a large crush on him. Whenever we hangout we behave in a manner which many of my friends (and even my mom) have told me is very couple-y and “cute” from our mannerism toward one another, the way we talk to one another, to the pictures we take of ourselves.
Now I am very unsure as to what to do. Does he like me? Should I wait it out? Should I preserve our friendship? Should I pursue it? I’m really worried about our shared network of friends and how us hypothetically dating would affect them. Overall, I feel very comfortable with him and very happy; I am content with our friendship and I don’t know if that is something I want to risk. How should I handle this?
Relevant Information Sometimes Known
So it sounds like you’ve got some reservations about taking things to the next level with you best friend, and rightfully so. Does the possibility of a romantic relationship with someone you already have such a strong connection with outweigh the potential fallout of a breakup or even the possibility of rejection? Only you know the answer to these questions but I am going to take a gander that the answers are yes.
The timing of your question comes at a very interesting time as I just met a guy who totally blew me away. I’m still floored at how amazing this guy is and how intense our connection is. So I say, give it a shot mister! You might end up coming away with something really amazing. Go all in because this could be something really special and it isn’t going to just fall on your lap! Even if it doesn’t pan out, you will you grow because it is an experience that will teach you about yourself and benefit your interpersonal relationships for the rest of your life.
Best of luck and happy humping!