Christian Homophobe “Pretends to be Gay” for a Year in Order to Write Book

Posted by Kevin Farrell on Jun 18, 2012 in The Critic | 47 comments

Timothy Kurek

“There’s no way I could possibly know what it’s like to be gay.”

I’m sure.

Timothy Kurek is a self-described homophobic Christian who claims to have undertaken a social experiment by “pretending to be gay” for one year in order to document the results in an upcoming book being published later this year.

To hear Kurek explain it, “pretending to be gay” meant sitting out of his usual religious circles in Nashville and spending his time in gay bars and cafes instead. Kurek went so far as to “come out” to his family and friends, calling that conversation with his parents the most fearful thing he’d ever done.

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And I guess that fearfulness is why I’m going to go ahead and call bullshit here. I’m not saying Kurek’s game of pretend only just began when he told everyone his homosexuality had simply been a yearlong farce, though the barista behind me would like me to mention that her ‘dar is flying off the charts.

But I doubt I’m the only one who finds it unsavory that an ideological enemy would find it necessary to “pretend” to be one of us in order to tap into the empathetic well within himself and no longer cast us off as sinners. Though, is it even clear that Kurek doesn’t still believe gay people are inherently sinful?

That Kurek’s definition of homosexuality includes merely sipping lattes and reading the local alt weekly is also off-putting. Unless Kurek also spent the year sleeping with men, then no, he wasn’t “pretending” to be a homosexual. He was pretending to be a Seattleite or a New Orleanian.

While the LGBTrain is meant to be welcoming and enlightening, I’m going to have to pass on this guy’s extremely narrow and placating walk in our shoes. From where I’m sitting, this looks an awful lot like a self-described homophobic Christian continuing to stereotype and marginalize the LGBT community – and now making a profit off of it.

Honestly dude, shush.

But don’t just take my grumblings as scripture. Tell me what you think of Timothy Kurek’s social experiment, book, and definition of the homosexual experience in the comments below.

http://twitter.com/ElijahWong1 Lija W.

I am born in Hong Kong,China but I was raised in small town suburbia in Utah. It is like saying I know what is like to be Caucasian. Or I want to know what it is like to be African American, and so I stereotypically listen to R&B and Rap music! Does not make any sense!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Warren-Case/648766204 Warren Case

You are not making sense. He did more than just download a few songs, and he even said his intent was NOT to see what it was like to be gay, but to understand the social the social fallout of coming out. If he was really gay, his friends and family would have acted the same. In the end, a bigot has become an ally, what’s not to like?
http://www.facebook.com/victoria.pacho.7 Victoria Pacho

But what if you pretended to be black and you did a whole makup artist do over? It would be the only way to really see what peoples responses to you as a black person could even remotely be like. You would find out a lot more information going ‘undercover’ than by trying to sympathize and image what it would be like.

http://twitter.com/ChiTownChicana Carolina

Already distracted by the next story, “Practically Every Famous Man’s Butt in the World Apprears in the Magic Mike trailer” NEXT!
http://www.facebook.com/keegano1 Keegan Olson

I’m torn on this, I mean on the one hand it is interesting that he would attempt to see how people treated him differently however on the other there is no way one could ever fully or even close to partially grasp the true struggles. I mean consider the loneliness involved when you are ostracized by a society, be it your church, your town, your state, etc. He apparently seems to have had just a glimpse at a few stereotypical activities that gay people partake in, which also coincidentally involves activities that straight people do so I’m not really certain what he truly could learn. Aside from coming out to family and church members, the rest of his like masquerade was just silly and will probably not do much to open any eyes; one would be better off explaining that gays and lesbians are simply ordinary people trying to lead a normal life. All we want is to find love, adventure, and happiness; that’s not so different from every other human I know?
http://www.facebook.com/M3xiTaLiaN.P3L0n Albert D’Orazio

Well, being gay isn’t all about sex. I think his intentions were honest and true.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1171629812 Mickyel Bradford

……His family was extremely religious, yet supportive immediately?! Bullshit. Besides his narrow view of “pretending” to be gay, that coming out experience is so rare, especially in the Bible Belt. Him being white probably has something to do with it, but that’s not the whole story either. Id be interested in reading this book to see if he did more than just watch queers at cruising spots.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1686710427 Meri Justus

wow IGNORANCE AT ITS BEST
http://www.facebook.com/JeenaJoyMcCloud Jimmy Shelton

This Man is a pompous buffoon. The fact that he even TRIED being gay is an insult in and of its self. He only spoke two accurate things “Coming out is a fearful experience” & “I could never truly know what it is to be gay.” When he did this experiment, he yet again ostracized the gay community from humanity! We all bleed red! What should you care what we do in our bedrooms? Don’t pick on gay people and act like we are less then human. Why don’t you stupid single minded idiots worry about world hunger or mass murderers? We are human and, no matter how much you don’t like it, we always will be.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Warren-Case/648766204 Warren Case

Jimmy, his message is that the churches need to quit hating, and for that you call him a buffoon? You are part of the problem if you lash out at a straight ally trying to do something to make things better.

http://www.facebook.com/Ela.Ramsch.Smith Ela Ramsch Smith

I don’t see the negative in this person’s efforts, but I do hear the negative hurt in your post. I think he did something he felt he needed to do to help him better understand the plight of a LGBT person. He never claims to have had the entire experience and repeatedly stresses his venture was severely limited due to the fact he’s not gay regardless of what your friends dar says. If what he does changes one religious hater, then he’s done a good thing and I’m hoping he changes many hater’s minds! You don’t have to celebrate his effort, but you do have to admit it didn’t result in more hate for LGBT folks.

Namaste Ya’ll _/|_ ♥☆•*¨*•.¸❀¸.•*¨* ✌ ☮ ☯ Ela

bobzaguy

…yet.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=24707380 Aaron Daniel

I disagree with you. We have a lot of gay people coming out of the closet everyday and aren’t writing books and going onto MSNBC. Many of them ARE actually being mentally and physically abused. If we all needed to complete these types of social evaluations to feel compassion and empathy for a group, unlike the one we are used to, then we would ALL be full of fear and hate. I know I do not need to put myself in a fictitious life to feel like I can understand the plight of someone else. It’s ridiculous to think that if Christians don’t follow the Bible literally for all it’s passages, that they can’t just drop the medieval notion that homosexuality is an abomination.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Warren-Case/648766204 Warren Case

So far, no one is getting through to the fundamentalists, maybe this guy will. Plenty of people out there pretend to be straight, not many straights would be willing to stand tall and pretend to be gay in the name of social justice.

http://twitter.com/BobAKABuffy BobAKABuffy

Interview the family to substantiate his claim that his coming out was met with love. Of course, if someone to say I’M GAY and nothing coming before that backs it up it would be kinda like “sure you are, honey…pass the peas”.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Mathew-Blood/100000571521646 Mathew Blood

Oh come on. It’s obvious what he was attempting to do. He was attempting to discredit the argument that people are born gay by “pretending” to be gay. He wanted to prove that it is a choice. I don’t know if he actually slept with men, but if he did he is obviously not straight. Bi maybe. But not straight. He will have some explaining to after his book on this “experiment” is published.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-RJ-Smith/100003888956776 Michael RJ Smith

I’m surprised at the instantaneous rejection of this person and his plan. Granted, it isn’t the most eloquent of methods to try and spread awareness and acceptance of the LGBT community but this is something that can really be a wonderful opportunity for people that have Absolutely No Idea of what it is like to come out to understand. Walking a mile in another person’s shoes is one of the most effective ways to get people to see things from a new perspective, also might I add, one of the most flattering. Before we make judgments without all the facts, which is something the LGBT community has relentlessly supported, lets see if there are any positive outcomes.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1411610542 John Mayo

I don’t did not hear him once he he did to understand what it was like to be gay. I heard him say he wanted to know how it would impact his life. Maybe someone should read the book first before we nail him to a cross and burn him. Who know maybe he made a few friends and the experience did change his life. I don’t know how you could be in that close contact with gay people listen to their stories and not be changed.
bobzaguy

¡ B O G U S !
http://twitter.com/Corydon76 Tilghman Lesher

It’s been done before, but the subject was white, pretending to be black, and he was met with wide open arms by those in the black community. Predictably, it was white Southern racists who had the most problem with what he had done. Check out the book “Black Like Me”. It’s a good read.
http://twitter.com/MaximumDr1ve Alex Johnson

What….the hell. How can you PRETEND to be gay and then say you have enough experience to write a book? Did he sleep with a guy? Did he even flirt with one? Or is being “gay” to him just sitting around and drinking in a gay bar, because honey, there are a lot of straight guys who go to gay bars.

Ugh. This just pisses me off. Especially since this could be a really bad attempt to go back IN the closet.
Stagette

I’m sorry, but I really don’t think that hanging around gay circles and calling yourself gay means you know anything. I have lots of gay and bi friends and I would never be so bold as to say that I know what it’s like for them.
I recognize that Kurek does claim that posing as a gay person did not mean he knew what it actually was to be gay, but why must one pose as a certain sexuality in order to accept them? I’ve never pretended to be Jewish, but I accept Jews and their rights. I’m not African American, nor have I ever pretended to be, but I accept them and recognize that they are all people too.
I’m a straight caucasian woman, I’ve never had to deal with many stereotypes or prejudice (Other than the fact that I’m female), and I could never imagine how those who deal with prejudices on a daily basis are going through. However I have always stood up for them. I work in a sex shop, and one evening a couple of young guys came in and started talking about how disgusting they thought gays were. They were saying this to my lesbian manager and bisexual assistant manager. I was appalled, and said for the rest of the night, if anyone were to ask, I was gay and if they had a problem I’d ‘fix’ their vision by adjusting their eyes sockets with my fist. My assistant manager, who is a woman, has openly admit to being attracted to me, but knowing that I am straight would never try anything. I appreciate her respect for my sexuality, and consider her admiration to be a great compliment. She’s actually one of my best friends, and I couldn’t imagine what she deals with on a regular basis.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Katrinna-Dagger-Alexandros/1089292574 Katrinna Dagger Alexandros

It isn’t about participating in gay acts, it only to know how it is to be ostracized based solely on the label of ‘gay’ and not knowing anything about what it is on the inside. Going into those places he might have been able to understand how everyone was treated by straight people walking by, Or he might have gotten other people’s coming out stories by becoming friends with people in these gay orientated places. Also this validated to his friends and families that he was gay, thus effecting how they treated him. So his story is not about being gay, it is about being treated as gay.
Samantha Harding

“These people” I think that’s what bothered me most. It’s like we’re a whole other species, like aliens or something. “These people.” = Though I do think that what he did was to benefit and enrich his life, which more power to him, and besides, how many times have we risen in outcry saying, “Walk a mile in our shoes!” and he did, he walked a mile in classy loafers. Now I want to see him walk a mile in stilettos down a catwalk in a dress that rides too high with sequins all over it. Who’s with me?
http://www.facebook.com/kelly.ratekin Kelly Ratekin

trying it on for size?
chesky_division

Not all gays or lesbians hang out at gay bars. Why did he have to sit out his churching or other christian activities?. He SHOULD have gone to church as a gay man and seen how many of the ppl in his life start rejecting him and calling him hateful names.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Kirk-Johnston/1075567931 Kirk Johnston

Maybe this is the beginning of that journey for him.

http://www.facebook.com/milo.furnas Milo Furnas

I believe he is a gay man who tried coming out but didn’t have the strength it takes to be a true minority in this world so he’s brushing it off as some social experiment.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Raymond-Davis/1135164147 Raymond Davis

That’s nothing , I pretended to be hetero -sexual for 20 years.While I can’t tell you totally what it’s like I assume it involves a lot of self loathing and lying to yourself. I just have to assume that because I spent so much time lying to people that I must be the world’s foremost expert on Heterosexuality.

So what happened at the end of those 20 years ?? I turned 22 and came out.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Iam-Pauly/1272493011 Iam Pauly

He wasn’t just pretending. Like most extreme homophobes, he is just deeply closeted. How many self righteous TV evangelists have been caught with their pants down in a men’s toilet? This guy fits the mold perfectly.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Kirk-Johnston/1075567931 Kirk Johnston

Your statement sounds pretty self-righteous. I’ll take this guy’s journey and conclusion (based on the interview and not having read the book) over Ted Haggard’s any day.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Mitchell-Beroney/659722450 Mitchell Beroney

Am I the only one who feels complimented by the fact that bookstores are apparently a gay spot?
Martin Kennedy

Growing up there was a book ‘Black Like Me’ in which a white gut ingests something that makes his skin turn black and he writes about his experiences. It should be noted that he does turn white again. I just cannot decide if I think this guy was really trying to identify with the gay experience or if he is latent and created this illusion so he could ease into coming out. He did not get involved in any relationships which seems to me the true domain of sexual identity.
JonahThompson

Offensive! While I can appreciate the conceptual Idea of walking in someone elses’ shoes, I do not appreciate the anology or idea that all gay people “comeout” then spend all there time craddled by the Castro where “the persicution” he would face would be relatively nonexsistant! If he really wants to know what persicution feels like he needs to retain a certain swish to his step, have a lisp he cant fix and live in the middle of kansas.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Kirk-Johnston/1075567931 Kirk Johnston

Baby steps…

http://www.facebook.com/whitney143.mullanix637 Whitney Mullanix

At first, I thought that I was going to find this video and experiment to be offensive…after watching it, I feel that this man has spoken carefully and purposefully…he does not claim to know what it is like to be gay, he does not claim to have been gay for a short period of time, he does not even claim to have experienced a “fully gay” year in this experiment.
The fact that he states that he would like to walk beside the LGBT community and help others who have excommunicated or ostracized or teased or assaulted gay individuals makes me support this man and his decision to go about doing this experiment…if it does not help others to see their wrongs, at least it helped him to see his.
http://www.facebook.com/launa.eddy Launa Eddy

he says specifically in his interview that his experience was limited and that there is no possible way he could know what its like to be gay – and that his book isn’t about being gay, but coming from an intolerant religious background and trying to understand the world that he was told was so terrible. it seems like he’s trying positively to get through to his community that encourages and preaches homophobia. haven’t read his book, so don’t know the whole story, but its pretty clear that he decided he didn’t want to be a bigot after socializing himself in the LGBT community, and wants other bigots to follow in the same path. not so bad.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Warren-Case/648766204 Warren Case

Ever find yourself at the wrong place at the wrong time and wished you could get back to your car safely before anyone figured out you were gay? This guy used to be the fellow we were trying to get away from. Now he is an ex-bigot who is trying to spread a message of acceptance. He is the best kind of ally we could hope for.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Warren-Case/648766204 Warren Case

Why do you assume that? Because no straight person would ever attempt to spread a message of inclusion? The folks at the old fundamentalist church are probably saying the same thing. Strange and hateful company you keep.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Warren-Case/648766204 Warren Case

Remember, he once was a homophobic bigot. Where did he learn that? Probably his church. After his coming out, they would not have been to happy to see him. As a straight ex-bigot, he probably had few if any gay friends. Where would you go if you were new in town and wanted to meet some gay people? Obviously not all of us hang out in bars, but in his case it was a good place to start.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=44505230 Cody Heindselman

I like him. I would give him a hug, and buy him a drink.
Guest

That’s an interesting approach… not sure how i feel on this one.
Hannah Pahl

I have to disagree. From his interview, this sounds like a wonderful journey of bias and fear to love and acceptance.

Of course we will all have to see what the book really says. They sometimes can say two different things, so I guess the verdict is still out.
tuesdaysgonewiththewind

So far I actually appreciate his effort, we’ll see how I feel once the book actually comes out. as a queer/trans person who grew up in a fundamentalist home I wish more people were willing to try to find empathy and then hold others in their community accountable for their hurtful actions. if he actually manages to accomplish that, then I think what he’s done is beneficial.
http://www.facebook.com/prentiss.simpson Prentiss Simpson

I think the only true way to know if what he did was in our favor (the LGBT com) is to wait and read the book… and just see where he stands on the issue now.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Kevin-Michael-DAngio/723244414 Kevin Michael D’Angio

I’m sorry but this article is ridiculous. If a self-described homophobic christian took a year of his life to try and understand what it’s like to be gay, i don’t understand how that’s a bad thing. I don’t know if i’ll agree with his findings, I may have to buy the book. But I’m not going to discourage a straight man who says he’s homophobic taking a non-violent, and positive attempt to understand the people he self proclaims he doesn’t like. Isn’t this the first step we all hope to see from these types of people? Maybe he wasn’t so much generalizing us as much as those were the only destinations he knew he could find gay people? I mean, I go to gay bars to be around gay people. So why isn’t it ok for him to do it? I do agree with being upset about him pretending to be gay around gay people, that upsets me. However, I’m willing to forgive him if he did it with the intent to get to know what kind of people we are as a community. Being in Nashville, I’m sure in many gay bars there is a fear of straight men even coming into the bars. I’d be afraid of getting jumped and avoid him. He’s not in NYC where the chances of that happening are drastically lower. It’s the south. Going to a gay bar can be dangerous. That and how can you overlook the part of him saying coming out was the “most fearful thing he had ever done”.
I think Unicorn Booty is the one being narrow-minded here.

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