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Katy Perry Punches Me (Or Maybe Russell Brand) in the Face in Wide Awake Video

"Ouch."

Katy, Katy, where did our love go?

I thought you were pretty without any makeup on. You told me I was “pure sex on the lake,” when I did that Snoop impression all wrong. I thought you got me, so I let my walls come down, dooooown.

What a difference two years can make! Today I wake up to find you punching a handsome, bearded gentleman in the face after he climbs off his unicorn in your Wide Awake music video? Ugh!

Do we really need to carry this bitter feud out in the public eye, my darling?

Some naysayers may say, well, nay and that young Katheryn and her purple future self are waging war on Russell Brand in this video, but I think we’re all mature enough to admit what’s really going on here.

And I’m telling you, don’t go down this road. A war between your 88 bajillion Katykats and my millions of unicorns is something this world is not prepared for. Don’t do it, girl. I am not the one.

Katy, Katy…where did our love go?