The Bottom Whisperer: Can’t Get You Out Of My Head
If you missed last week’s column (and man was it a good one) you can check it out here!
Lots of great questions this week. Hard to pick two. I felt like a judge at the Miss Universe competition minus the spray tan and D list television career. Let’s get to this week’s questions!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
Pretty embarrassing subject here but not sure where else to turn to for advice. I’m a twenty-something gay Latino; therefore my skin has more melanin than a white person’s skin. I have noticed, after a shaving session, that the skin surrounding my “back door” is darker than normal. I looked stuff up and it’s hyper pigmentation, and it will go away if I bleach it (but it’s expensive and detrimental to your health). Guys I’ve been webcamming with have began to notice it and ask me if it is bruised or something. It is starting to get to me, what should I do? Will this be important to men in the future? Am I doomed forever? I’m allergic to cats, so they’re not an option for me.
Badly Lit Excursions Apparently Causing Hysteria
Since the dawn of time, man has struggled with the question: to bleach or not to bleach. In all seriousness, bleaching your skin can be very bad for you. Yes we would all love to have beautiful, pristine, photogenic rosebuds but are the risks of chemically changing the color of your skin worth it? My mind is running rampant with this laundry list of things that could go terribly, terribly wrong which might affect you for the rest of your life.
Might I suggest taking it easy with the manscaping back there? If your skin is having such a bad reaction to simple shaving, you might want to leave it alone and let it just get back to normal. Not to mention you could explore other hair removal options like laser or waxing that might not have the same effects. Ok real talk, we can’t all be hairless twinks our entire life. It is either time to explore some different options for hair removal or just let the “grass” grow a bit. Let the skin heal, don’t bombard it with products and razors for a while and see if things begin to go back to normal. Once they do, look into some spas and ask about your hair removal options and be very clear that you have sensitive skin and have had issues with skin discoloration in the past as a result of hair removal. There are people plucking and waxing crack for a living who would be happy to put their 18 to 24 months of beauty school know-how to use. So I want you to save that bleach for the laundry room and keep it away from your junk! Happy humping!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I have had a crush on this guy for almost a year now. When I met him I found out that he had a boyfriend although they were trying to work through some issues. Out of respect for their relationship I never shared my interest in this guy, but every time we hung out in a social setting we always had such a great time with one another that people would often comment that we seemed like we were dating. I did my best to keep things in check but I finally came clean to him with my feelings. He told me that he also thought I was great but he was trying to make things work with his on again/off again boyfriend.
Just over a month ago they split up for good and moved out of the place they shared. I was hoping that the end of his relationship meant we would finally have the opportunity to see each other. I asked him a couple times if he wanted to get together but he always had an excuse or was too busy. I finally asked him if I was barking up the wrong tree and if he wanted me to leave him alone. He said he just wants to be friends right now and enjoys hanging out with me. I am not sure if I can just flip the friend switch after the way he made me feel. What should I do? Am I just barking up the wrong tree? Time to move on and cut my losses?
Rarely Openly Vent Expect Realness
I was having a discussion the other night with a friend about the importance of timing when you meet someone. You can meet the most amazing guy and have a crazy connection but if the timing isn’t right it is difficult for that to ever get off of the ground. It sounds like you really like this guy and the interest is mutual but you also have to respect that he might be feeling really drained emotionally and hurt by how his last relationship ended. It sounds to me like they both put a lot of work into trying to salvage something and find a way to make it work. This can be incredibly frustrating and exhausting so it makes sense that he has asked for time before choosing to move on to another relationship.
My advice to you is to chill out with the boyfriend talk, build up your friendship with this guy because this will build a strong foundation if you two ever decide to date. I know it is hard to shift expectations but this is something that you have no real control over. A hurt/broken heart takes time to heal and there really is no substitution when it comes to mending that broken heart. Also realize that his attitude about not wanting to date has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his ex. As soon as you accept that and move forward, the happier you will be. So yes, for the time being you might be barking up the wrong tree. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a great friendship and some exciting romantic prospects down the road. It sounds like you really dig this guy so do the right thing and give him some space. When he is good and ready he will likely come knocking. Happy humping!