The Bottom Whisperer: How Will I Know
Greeting blogosphere! I want to hear your questions so please send them to [email protected]!
Greeting Bottom Whisperer,
I am a big fan of your column! I love reading your witty commentary each week. My question isn’t all that complex but I wanted to get your thoughts. I am a 27-year-old gay man living in the Midwest. I went in for my annual physical this year and had a not so spectacular experience with my primary care physician. When he was inquiring about my drug, alcohol consumption and some lifestyle choices I had no choice but to inform him that I was a single gay man who had had X number of sex partners in the past year. His energy became very negative after I volunteered this information. He suggested a full STD screening which I get every 3-6 months anyways, but his reaction made me very uncomfortable and almost ashamed.
I was speaking to some of my friends about this physical because I was disturbed at the negative energy I felt I received from my doctor. As a medical professional I would expect a bit more professionalism and not the judgment that I perceived. A few of my friends see a gay doctor and sang the praises of their care and treatment. So I am curious if you would suggest that GLBT people see a gay doctor who can better relate to their day-to-day lives? As an aside, I plan to change doctors after hearing the sparkling reviews given by my friends. Thanks!
Disgusted Over Comments
Thanks for the great question and being a reader of the column. Sounds like your previous doctor is kinda an asshole and I would strongly encourage you to see a doctor who you feel comfortable discussing your lifestyle and sexual history with. You should never feel ashamed to be honest with a medical professional about what is going on in your life. If you hold back certain information it can be difficult for them to make a proper diagnosis and then everyone in the scenario suffers.
I personally do not see a gay doctor but I have a number of friends who do and they sing his praises. My doctor is a heterosexual man from Northern Africa, which initially made me hesitate a little bit. During my first appointment he was very forthcoming and non-judgmental. When I go in for my STD screenings he has to ask me some personal questions and at no time have I ever felt ashamed discussing details of my sex life (truth be told, it isn’t really that interesting). The point here is that medical professionals should never pass judgment or let their personal beliefs affect and possible hinder the care of a patient. Your former doctor is a jerk and you are better off seeing someone else. I wish you nothing but the best of luck with your new doctor. I hope you don’t have to spend too much time in his office! Best of luck and happy humping!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I have been chatting with a guy off a certain gay social networking site for a couple of months now. We chatted on Skype a few times and recently began talking on the phone. He lives about 4 hours away but we have recently started entertaining the idea of meeting up in the flesh. My question for you is… am I crazy for meeting up with some dude off the internet whom I have never met in person? And most of my friends tell me that long-distance relationships are the worst. Am I completely neurotic for wanting to see if there is anything there with this guy?
Neurotic Understated Thoughts Swirling
Are you crazy to be entertaining the idea of meeting a stranger off of the internet? No, people do it everyday. People do it for sex (which depending on who you ask, can be a little bit crazy), dates, to buy furniture. Yes, there are the occasional serial killer who will have weird sex with your dead body but overall, people on the internet are just normal folks. If you like talking to this guy online, this may or may not translate to liking him in person. You never know if you don’t meet up and give it a shot. Now I would make sure you have friends who can call and check on you during your meeting in case you need an out or he just creeps you out. Also, meet in public and make good choices about where you hang out with this guy.
Look NUTS, my mother met her husband off one of those dating websites for singles. It can totally happen. I was recently having a discussion with a friend about where to go to meet people for possible dates. Long gone are the days of meeting people in bars thanks to everyone being on their damn phone and frankly I don’t attend church. If you are putting yourself out there, the internet has become the new venue for finding people who want to date. As for long-distance relationships: they stink. When you like someone, you want to be around them quite a bit and with long-distance stuff this is not always a realistic scenario. It is hard but it can work. 4 hours isn’t a huge deal, you could probably see each other every other weekend for a while. But let’s take it one step at a time. Meet this dude and see if you hit it off. You can worry about logistics later. Best of luck and happy humping!