If You Can Stomach It, Read This Brutal Letter from a Father Disowning His Gay Son

Posted by Kevin Farrell on Aug 7, 2012 in Bad News | 32 comments

Grab a tissue, and close your office door. This one’s going to take a moment to recover from.

“James: This is a difficult but necessary letter to write. I hope your telephone call was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of your lifestyle. I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past. Don’t expect any further conversations With me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house. You’ve made your choice though Wrong it may be. God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle. If you choose not to attend my funeral, my friends and family will understand. Have a good birthday and good life. No present exchanges will be accepted. Goodbye, Dad.”

For far too many of us, this letter will read awfully familiar. Not to steal anyone’s terrible thunder, but I tend to get Christmas letters every couple of years not written to me, but rather about me, from my birth mother reminding everyone she knows in the world that I am going to hell.

RegBarc, I feel you and I feel for you.

orangekrush39

That letter is terribly sad. No wonder so many people have to stay in the closet! I know it is sad, but it will all come together in the end, when “God” asks all of those people that judged you for your lifestyle by saying it was wrong. God will be the one telling all of these people who lash out against the LGBT community that they were the wrong ones and they will be the ones having to answer to Him, not us.
Logan Vega

It almost seems fake, maybe I just want to see it that way ; because I could never understand a parent not forever loving their children. Terrible.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Terra-Fitzhugh/509333490 Terra Fitzhugh

okay…my understanding is that GOD (the HEAVENLY FATHER) loves unconditionally. It does NOT say that HE turns his back on anyone…. Parents are SUPPOSED to love children UNCONDITIONALLY….. Yes, when I came OUT my mom and I didn’t speak for a while. But she chose to keep me close to her heart rather than lose me and my children…… My parents, my whole family, may not always agree with the things I do or the way I live my life, but they all have made it clear that they will continue to love me unconditionally…. I don’t understand how parents can be like this “man”. I use the term loosely because a REAL DAD wouldn’t be like that! A REAL MAN would never turn away from his children!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrea-Doyle/1182152628 Andrea Doyle

I tried for three years to get along post-transition with my parents, but every call with my mom ended in an argument. I haven’t been in touch with them in 4 years or so now, and I’m okay with it. No one in my family came to my wedding (not really a surprise) and I’m fine with it. I don’t like it, because I love my family, but I need to be me and it doesn’t matter if they like it or not.

This man’s father is a dick plain and simple and he’s better off without him. Being a member of the LGBT community really shows how much thicker blood is than water with some people.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1111135448 Cheryle Cerezo-Gardiner

This parent is NOT a “father” or, especially, a “Dad.” He is a sperm donor. Period.
http://www.facebook.com/aimanley Anita Kassner Manley

So sad. How could a father do that to his flesh and blood? When my son came out, my only regret was that he didn’t tell us sooner so we could be there for him. Nothing changed when he came out to us. He’s still the same wonderful loving son he always was. I would never stop loving him!

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=660255412 April Breland

I just wish there were more parents like you around. /huggles

1Wisefool

I came out to my Marine Drill Sargeant dad in 1976. I was 15. He beat me down so hard the neighbors called the police, who took me to hospital. My dad has never spoken another word to me. Did I miss out on having a loving and supportive father all these years? I fathered myself and I am GREAT! I love my dad for giving me life, and for giving me the COURAGE to be MYSELF against all odds! I am grateful that I have never had to deal with his hatred and fear again!
http://profile.yahoo.com/RL6FDGXMGHJLICZWAREEHRUB5Q Russ DuHaime

just wait until he is a nursing home.. and he is begging for some assistance
http://www.facebook.com/iamanrxbandit Ashley Torres

And this year’s Father of the Year award goes to…
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000387123838 Marcus Gethers

I hope the young man is strong enough to tell him good bye and good riddings! He has lost NOTHING, not a damned thing! Whoever is left in his sperm donor’s life now has the problem!!!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Virginia-Fernandez/45708636 Virginia Fernandez

I’m sorry, Kevin (((hugs)))
http://profile.yahoo.com/YFC45EJQDUCJ43QRNF4SB2Z32E Matthew

im glad i never had a father
http://www.facebook.com/jakrabt Hoyle McCain

Some people should not have children.
http://www.facebook.com/boses.madchen.7 Böses Mädchen

One day hopefully soon he will regret what he wrote to his son, it is time that we as mothers an women as a minority too, teach our kids to not only respect and tolerate but to love everyone in the LGBT community.
http://www.facebook.com/jay.crookshanks Jay Crookshanks

I know all to well the angst of letters like this … I went through the same thing with my adoptive parents also …. when it all happend since unfortunately I worked for them i was also fired and belittled by them and cused and screamed at and was told that they never wanted to have anything to do with me again … in the process i almost lost my house and everything i owned ….. it was hard and still is … my dad does talk to me now and wanted me to come bk to work with him …. my mother on the other hand I have and want nothing to do with …. she is the supposed christian but alas she will see what is coming in the end when her time comes ….. there is some hope and i found that in my friends and community members and my biologigal children …. without them I would have never made it this far ….. to me family is the ones u choose to be in your life not the ones who are there by blood or marriage or an adoption …. love to all and it will get better.
http://twitter.com/JeromeS4 Jerome Simar

This guy is do not a “DAD” he might be by blood but that is all he is. A True Father would love there son or daughter no matter what. He is not missing a lot if this is how his “DAD” is. His “DAD” will be the one missing out on his son’s life.
I am a christian and I believe God loves all and he might not like the actions you take but he does not hate people and hold one action over your head and that one thing makes you go to hell. I believe in a far equal GOD I can’t stand people using religion as a way to hate people or judge someone.
http://www.facebook.com/melissa.clancy1 Melissa Clancy

what gets me most is he still signs it ‘dad.’ still says to have a good birthday and have a good life. just… wow. oh my god.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1664732393 Jim Self

I hate this, but I feel happy that he will not have to be in this type of situation for the rest of his life-
http://www.facebook.com/reptyle216 Brad Johnson

The worst part is, even if he eventually changes his mind, it might be too late, especially after five years and counting. My family wasn’t the most supportive when I came out, and by the time they came around, I had already moved on emotionally. I still love them and we talk from time to time, but I can’t pretend that connection is still there when it’s not.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Iam-Pauly/1272493011 Iam Pauly

I have nothing profound to say other than this boy is better off without this man in his life.
http://www.facebook.com/justinfitzgerald1988 Justin Fitzgerald

That is not how a father would react. You’re supposed to love your children, not disown them.
Phil Mata

Reading this letter makes me more worried about my bisexual brother, who will soon be attending public school for the first time in his life.
Going back to the letter, I don’t know what to say/write …
http://www.facebook.com/people/Emily-Phillips/848844856 Emily Phillips

Thirty years from now, a very lonely old man will look at his life, and look at how he’s treated others. He will look at the decisions he made, and he will deeply regret them.
mamba143

My mother deals with my lifestyle “choice” by pretending that its not happening and then trying to hook me up with every man she can find… I have been with my wonderful fiance for over four years and I love her very much..my family’s rejection of her and I have done nothing at all to our relationship, Do I wish they were more supportive? Yes, do I love them of Course! I also respect their opinions…I just wish they would be more civil about it.
http://www.facebook.com/MartinCKennedy Martin Kennedy

I pray that the young man has a community of his own for love and support. I blame religion for this hatred, teaching ignorance and intolerance.
http://www.facebook.com/bill.reulbach Bill Reulbach

I hope this young man realizes your true family isn’t necessarily the people you grow up and live with. He will find, as his life goes along, just who his “Real Family” is as he meets more people and creates deeper bonds. He will never be alone. His Father will, however, in fact he’s feeling very alone now, I suspect. It was his choice, though, once he wrote the letter. I feel sorry for him. He’s a very sad and lonely man and will be for as long as he lives.
Michael Adams

This made me cry. I cannot understand how some people can twist the scriptures into this.
http://profile.yahoo.com/SNLFUN3EUL3UQTIC633EANWWSU Kaleb

This letter is incredibly sad and terrible. But if you ask me the man who wrote it doesn’t exist if he wants to be a prick let him. And the guy who this is getting wrote too doesn’t need all this hate he should burn the letter and then after it is ashes in the fireplace he can go out into a world (That at sometimes may be bad.) But that also has a huge and growing community of people who will love and accept him for who he is.
http://www.facebook.com/samdamovieman Samuel Glass Jr.

I wish now that my father HAD done this to me – sent me packing with this kind of letter, never to return. But he had way too much fun belittling and berating me at every turn about ANYTHING I did or tried to do. Being gay for him was just “extra gravy”…more chances to talk about “what should be done with people like me.” I will never have closure – even the reconciliation we had when I was at his deathbed was hollow comfort. I just hope that “James” found it possible to move on with his life, and will find in time that he can realize the true measure of his own self-worth without his father.
Evan Malcolm

Its sad that im saying this but this letter is actually on the good side of the disowning spectrum.
http://www.facebook.com/zac.mcfalls Zac Mcfalls

My dad is a Pastor, when i came out to him he announced to the whole congregation that his son was a fag and going to hell. To this day he never fails to bring it up whenever i attend service (Which as you can imagine is once in a blue moon. Usually when my mother, whom I love and she still loves me, has begged me for months to come, promising it will be different.) I understand what its like to have a parent openly declare that they don’t want you in their life anymore.

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