The Bottom Whisperer: Take Care
Hey it’s like summer and stuff. Anyone out there getting laid and need to get something off their chest? Hit me up!!! [email protected]
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I am a twenty-something gay man who is in a relationship. My boyfriend recently confessed to me that he and a group of friends (guys and girls, gay and straight) were at the beach and decided to strip down and go skinny dipping. I didn’t really think much of it when he told me but I realized over the next couple days that I wasn’t really comfortable with my man just stripping down with a bunch of our friends. I brought it up and he refused to admit that he did anything wrong. We have been unable to come to a resolution and it is causing quite a bit of tension between us. My argument with him is that I would never strip down in front of a bunch of our friends out of consideration for him. He said he didn’t do anything wrong and that I have a weird lack of comfort with nudity. To me it just seems like the whole situation had a slight sexual undertone. Please tell me if I am totally off base here.
Not Understanding Dude’s Exceptional Reaction
You are totally off base here. Your boyfriend didn’t have sex with any of these friends of his, he simply stripped down so he could swim around and enjoy some sunshine on his Netherlands. I’d speculate you grew up in a conservative home and therefore equate nudity with sexuality. That’s fine but you need to understand that this is not how everyone was raised or see’s themselves. I’m lucky enough to have had a kinda hippy dippy mom who never forced me to wear clothes. If you take a look at my family photo album, every image of me under the age of 5 is pretty naked. My mother loves to embarrass me by telling friends/boyfriends about what a battle it was to get me to wear clothes when I started school. Because of this, I am very comfortable being naked. If I’m at home, I’m probably naked. Naked doesn’t mean boner-time, let’s get it on. Obviously, if the idea of sex comes into play, you save about 20 seconds of stripping down/sock removal (a must!) time.
So cut your man some slack. He didn’t do anything wrong. You also might want to do some thinking about what your levels of comfort are with your boyfriend. You don’t want to come off to him as jealous of possessive, there are few bigger turn offs in a relationship. Realize that naked and sexed up are two different things and that might be something you might want to discover a bit more about yourself. Close the blinds and have a naked movie night with your man. If you wind up in the sack just consider it an added bonus!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
Over the past few months I had noticed a very attractive guy at the gym. We were making eyes at each other and got to the point of saying hello in passing sometimes. Last weekend I saw him on Manhunt and said hello. Long story short, he returned the interest and asked me over to hang out. We hooked up, it was hot and I thought we got on really well. My question now is whether or not it is cool to ask him out now that we have hooked up. Friends of mine would say that you can’t get a boyfriend or even really go on a date after a hook up but I am not sure I agree. Is there a way I should go about asking him out? If he says no I feel like things might be a bit awkward if we run into each other. Usually I am not so unsure about asking a guy out but I am feeling like this is a precarious situation. Thoughts?
Guess Your Mindset
I certainly hope that your friends who have decided that a relationship or date with someone after hooking up is impossible. Where is the rulebook where this is written? Did you guys hit it off? Did you have some great sexual chemistry? Besides, rules are made to be broken. I know couples who met online in a sexually charged manner and some who even hooked up before they started to date.
If you like this guy, tell him you had a nice time and would love to go out for dinner. Be sure to make it clear that you want to take him out, not just show up and knock the boots. If he is into it, then great! Just be clear about your intent and where you want to go. Honesty and confidence are very sexy and can go a long way in wooing the gym guy. Being reserved or shy after having banged makes no sense, so please stop doing that. Best of luck and happy humping!