Mars Curiosity Rover Tweets Ruler of the Red Planet, Britney Spears
It’s been a tough decade for the Red Planet. For twelve long years the rightful ruler of Mars, one Miss Britney Spears has been living in exile somewhere in Calabasas on this here third rock from the sun.
And everyone knows the complex atmospheric makeup of Earth doesn’t agree at all with the Martian constitution! (See: Umbrella, pink wig, shaved head, stretcher, nipple tape, conservatorship, the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards, that hot tub, Cousin Ali, the gentleman with the unfortunate facial hair, the impromptu dip in the Pacific, etc.)
Without the leadership of Empress Brit Brit, things have really gone to shit shit for our next door neighbor down the galactic road. The Martian planetary choreography program has gone to hell, the soles of all those Skechers have long since given out, and don’t even get me started on that lightbulb that is STILL waiting to be changed. (My TRL-heads know what I’m talking about.)
But hark! Rejoice! For the Curiosity Rover has landed on Mars, and planetary channels of communications between Britney and the bajillion dollar remote controlled car are ready, set, go!
@marscuriosity… does Mars look the same as it did in 2000? viddy.com/video/3cea9a58…
— Britney Spears (@britneyspears) August 15, 2012
@britneyspears Hey Brit Brit. Mars is still looking good. Maybe someday an astronaut will bring me a gift, too. Drill bits crossed
— Curiosity Rover (@MarsCuriosity) August 15, 2012
Yes. Always this. Forever.
Also, will someone please explain to my husband and our house guest that any judge would consider the fact that they had no idea about Britney Spears’ Martian lineage justification for me throwing everything they own in the world out on the street?