Farewell, Sweet True Blood
But of course the real biggest problem with True Blood is and always has been Sookie’s face.
Well, her entire giant balloon head is a huge issue, really, but her face! THAT FACE! With THAT EXPRESSION all over it! It’s always coming at you at five-hundred miles an hour and smacking you in the head like a frozen carp—WHACK!–so desperate and over-earnest, eyes bulging, that gap in her teeth that Evel Knievel couldn’t jump—Holy Moses! What does it want? Why does it hate me?! It won an OSCAR? UNACCEPTABLE!
Now that the season is finally over, can I get this off my chest?
And then there’s Bill, or as I like to call him, “No, grandpa, please don’t!” He and Sookie have all of the chemistry of English class. So, I mean, I guess it’s a good thing that the show has abandoned their love affair entirely as a primary plot line, but since they did, what the hell is this show about anyway? I have no clue. (Faeries? Honestly, now? When your story has hit faeries, the shark has been well and truly jumped. Abandon all hope.)
On the other hand, well. Bill and Eric.
Now, when Bill and Eric are together and looking at each other in that way that they do—Holy vampire balls.! I can totally get behind it in a sick “Naughty School Master-on-Big Nordic Boy Scout” type of way. And I’m sure you understand. But can you believe that those two—Sookie and Bill!–are married in so-called “real life”? Good lord. Nobody wants to see that.
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