There is a 400 Mile Long Storm Barreling Toward My House (Again)
***Update 10 AM Tues:
The sideways, strobe light, sort of sunny rain has begun! Here we go!
We know you love your daily dose of piping hot UB, but bear with us this week if things seem a bit sporadic and choppy. Tropical Storm Isaac is coming over for dinner, breakfast, lunch, dinner and breakfast again this week. Which is to say, things are about to get wet.
As most calendar days in New Orleans are, today is a sun-drenched 88 degrees, and you would never guess that those scientists at that top secret weather control laboratory/conspiracy theory Mad Libs party are about to catapult a 400 mile wide earthly manifestation of God’s imagined wrath right upon my doorstep.
Having been through this a time or two before (Happy AnniversarEEE, Hurricane Katrina evacuees. What’s the secret to our love, you ask?), I know that these storms can be a bitch. Katrina ate my house, car, and school, along with all my worldly possessions not draped across my body when the storm him. And seeing as how I was running around naked at Burning Man for the very first time that year, that list of possessions was limited to a single pair of yellow sneakers (Watch out for playa foot!).
My handsome man, Nicky V and I are not evacuating, as we have a live construction zone exactly 15 feet below our home. We’ll be holed up in the Bywater with my cousin Jeanel politely feigning interest in playing another round of Go Fish with one another for the next couple of days.
UB writers Derek and Evan will be coming at you live from Seattle, but as Evan is a part time pop star and Derek is a full time babe, their posts will most likely also be sporadic. UB’s Chris will be exactly zero help, as he is currently at Burning Man himself, salting (and smoking) my wounds. A word of advice to the editorial directors of the world; if you bring a horse to water, be prepared for the horse to drink a lot of water. Damnit.
So do us all a favor and keep your fingers crossed this week, as that will both manifest some good luck in our direction and also prevent you from typing out cranky Facebook posts about our questionable work ethic. Suggested meditation topics include:
Don’t let Kevin’s house blow away.
Don’t let Kevin’s restaurant blow away.
Don’t let Kevin husband blow away.
Don’t let anything hit Kevin in the face.
We love you. We’re just busy trying not to die.
Now who wants to do a 10,000 piece puzzle?