NFL Player Lays the Smackdown on Clueless, Bigoted Maryland Politician
There are few things in life that get me school-girl-giddy like a professional football player laying the smackdown on bigoted politicians. It’s just too perfect.
So no surprise here that I’m giggly, rosy-cheeked, and a little hot and bothered that Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe did the business on Maryland Delegate Emmett Burns.
Here’s the play-by-play: Baltimore Ravens player Brendon Ayanbadejo spoke out in favor of a Maryland ballot-initiative to legalize same sex marriage. See- there’s even this picture of him showing his support for marriage equality… and his abs.
Emmett Burns, a member of the Maryland House of Delegates, wrote to Baltimore Ravens Owner Steve Bisciotti asking him to “inhibit such expressions from your employee and that he be ordered to cease and desist such injurious actions.” Sounds kind of like a courtroom S&M fantasy I may or may not have had at one time.
Then, Chris Kluwe, my new
husband hero, did what I can only hope more Americans in positions of influence will do: he stood up for Ayanbadejo and for the rights of LGBTs everywhere by writing an indescribably eloquent, poignant letter to Burns. Find the full letter at Deadspin. But we’ve got the 7 best lines right here:
- Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level.
- What on earth would possess you to be so mind-boggingly stupid?
- It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person’s right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.
- I can’t even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for “beautiful oppressionism”).
- This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom?
- If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you’ll start thinking about penis?
- In closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in mouth clusterfuck you so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something he believed in.
After further review (who gets that one?), it comes down to this: Burns probably hates you, and he definitely hates America. Kluwe, on the other hand, is winnin’!
My advice? Tumble dry, Emmett Burns. Tumble dry!