Regenerative Medicine Breakthrough Paves the Way for Build-A-Bear Penis Shop Spin-Off

Posted by Kevin Farrell on Sep 12, 2012 in Genital Warfare | 7 comments

Scientists in the your future is here right now field of regenerative medicine have made enormous breakthroughs this year which are paving the way for things like spray-on skin, reversing blindness, and growing attachable, fully functioning penises.

A few years ago, Dr. Anthony Atala’s lab at Wake Forest University got good at making ears. They were growing new ears on a scaffold using patient’s cells, because so many soldiers were losing their ears in explosions. Now the Department of Defense has a project that’s closer to Atala’s heart: making new genitals for soldiers who have stepped on bombs.

Other labs are still moving forward with the ear project for the military. But Atala has special expertise dating back to his days as a pediatric urologist. He’s already grown bladders using a patient’s own cells, and he’s made penises that rabbits were able to put to their proper use, fathering litters of new little bunnies. He hopes to use this expertise to help rebuild the bodies of veterans wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as men and boys injured in car accidents.

Sure, sure. We’ll let the veteran soldiers line up to have their war-mutilated genitals regrown and attached first. That’s only fair.

But soon enough, we demand a conference call with Dr. Atala and the corporate hivemind behind those Build-A-Bear mall franchises. I mean, if we can regrow and attach a man’s own penis to his body, what’s to stop us from equipping every man with a new 2012 luxury sedan model, if you know what I mean.

Also, this breakthrough could be the seminal moment responsible for bringing my recurring childhood nightmare where I wake up to find all ten of my fingers have been replaced with penises (True story) to life.

Mark my words, y’all. Designer Imposters Penises are just around the corner. You’ll see!

(via MSNBC)

http://www.facebook.com/aaflint Aaron Flint

I’m a bit confused as to why the obvious connection to transgendered men wasn’t addressed in this post. I, personally, would like to hear more about if Dr Atala is liberal enough to consider his research applicable to the trans community.

http://unicornbooty.com Unicorn Booty

Fantastic idea. Admittedly, my brain usually jumps to potential Clueless tie-ins before considering the transformative real world applications of new medical technology.
http://www.facebook.com/marianne.ibbotson Marianne Ibbotson

It shouldn’t really matter if he’s liberal enough to or not. Any new medical research like this would almost certainly end up being highly documented and then academically published, so even if Dr. Atala (for whatever reason) doesn’t look into if his research could give trans men proper penises, some other smart person will.

ethan_hines

Never could quite understand why penis transplants have never worked out? Host vs Graft Rejection?

http://www.facebook.com/odinn.celusta Odinn Celusta

Between an unsurprisingly non-existent donor pool and the fact the a penis is as much an internal system of organs as the better publicized outer parts, full transplants are unavailable for trial and would be extraordinarily life threatening. So yeah, part concerns of graft v host, part never being able to get approval for medical trials.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Jordan-Sims/100001524926635 Jordan Sims

Now if only later on in the future, we can learn to super size the new penises, lol
http://twitter.com/GaleSquid Gale ✩

I’ve been keeping up with this research for awhile because of the awesomeness it might be able to give trans peeps. Having fully functional genitals would go a damn long way to making me a happier man fo sho.

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