The Bottom Whisperer: Cruel Summer
We had some great questions this week! Let’s get to business!!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I’m in a loving relationship with a great guy. We’ve been seeing each other for just over a year and I love him very much. I recently decided to try and spice up our sex life a bit and send him a few naughty text messages while he was at work. Long story short, my boyfriend shares the same first name as a guy I use to date and I accidentally sent a pretty dirty photo of me naked on all 4s to the wrong guy. I didn’t realize until that evening when I started prodding my boyfriend for a response to what I had done that I had messed up. At that point I felt it was too late to explain so I just hoped it would go away. About a week later I get a very rude text back from this guy reading me the riot act and threatening to show the photo to some mutual friends. I’m not sure whether or not I should call him and try to explain or just go on like nothing happened. I’d be pretty embarrassed if this photo made it’s way around. I think I’ll be cutting it out with the sexting moving forward.
Should Explaining eXact Things
Look, in this day an age, everyone is snapping pics of their naughty bits or someone doing god knows what to them. It has become a fact of life thanks to camera phones. Is it worth calling this guy you use to date to explain? Probably not because it sounds like there is something else going on and he is holding a grudge or you must have pissed him off in another way. Ignore it, ignore him and it could very well go away. Calling him and then explaining that it was a mistake might provoke him to blackmail you. Who cares if someone mutual friends see you in a compromising position? Are you planning on running for President? No, me neither and for good reason. I dated a guy who just couldn’t get enough of videotaping us having sex. I’m sure he has an external hard drive full of clips of me going to town on him.
I’m glad you learned a valuable lesson on sending this kind of stuff out. I mean it is fun to flirt and try to turn your guy on with some naughty pictures but just remember, once you send that out you lose all control over who sees it. People forget phones in cabs, restaurants, bars, parks, and busses. Unless you have that thing locked up, your photos, videos, email are all up for grabs. So make better life choices when it comes to this kind of stuff. Save the ‘on all 4s’ shots for when your man gets home. Happy humping!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I spent the summer on an exchange program in Europe and met an amazing woman from the U.S. who was also on exchange. We hit it off really well and became very close. Both of us identified as straight and had never been in a relationship with a woman before. After about 3 weeks spending every single day together we were at a park and she leaned in and gave me a very passionate kiss. The earth moved, I suddenly felt like something inside of me woke up. We had another amazing 2 months together and then a few weeks ago we said our goodbyes and headed home with the agreement that we would stay in touch because we meant so much to each other.
The first day I got home I called her to tell her how much I missed her and how I was going crazy without her around. She was very distant. I asked why she wasn’t acting her normal self and she told me she had to come clean about something. She told me that she had been dating a guy for about a year before she left for her semester abroad and they had agreed to try and make it work. She had hidden our relationship from him and now that she was home she wanted to put her focus back into making that work. Needless to say I am confused and heartbroken. Can I ever trust someone again? Am I a lesbian? I have so many questions in my head right now and I am so hurt. Please help!
Extremely Upset Resenting Other
I’m very sorry that you have had to deal with this heartbreak. It sounds like you had an amazing connection with someone and now your amazing experience has you feeling like your heart might be broken and you might never trust someone again. Let me tell you, time heals a lot of things and this is going to hurt less and less each day. The last thing you should do is close yourself off as a result of this experience. You met someone and felt something really amazing and special. She might have misrepresented herself but that is probably because you two hit it off and she felt so good she didn’t want to put the kibosh on things by telling you about her beau back home. I’m not saying it is right or even condoning not being honest, I am just saying she did it for a selfish reason and at the time it sounds like you two were really enjoying being with each other.
I’m sorry that things had to end up in heartache. This is a great learning experience for you. You had always considered yourself to be straight and then you met someone and felt something that shook you to your core and has you questioning if you are as sure about yourself as you thought. Human beings learn lessons from our interactions with others. I encourage you to really think about the positive impact this person had on you instead of the feelings of betrayal that are so strong right now. As things start to hurt less, I think you should really ask yourself if you can forgive her for being dishonest with you and then making you feel cast aside. Life is too short to close yourself off to meeting someone amazing. Best of luck!