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The Bottom Whisperer: Stand Back
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Before we get this train out of the station, I gotta send some birthday love to Lindsey Shannon! xxxooo
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
My best friend who is a 25-year-old gay man started seeing a man recently who is 34. My friend hasn’t been in a long-term relationship before and so I feel like he is overlooking a few big flaws with this guy because he really wants to be in a relationship. I had made a few comments about how I didn’t see the two of them being a great fit after he brought his new boyfriend out with a few of our friends. Last week he got in a huff and told me he didn’t appreciate my constant criticism of his boyfriend. I was totally taken off guard by his reaction and told him I thought he was getting upset over nothing. I feel like I am losing my friend over a guy he just started seeing and I think his priorities are totally whacked out because he has a crush on some guy who probably isn’t going to be around in a month.
Thoughtful Insights For Friendship
Greetings TIFF!
Wow, it sounds like you really have a lot of concern for your friend and have taken his best interests to heart in this situation…. said nobody reading this column. Listen up Judge Judy (that’s what I’m calling you instead of TIFF because I totally don’t think it does you justice) You need to unload that big old chip on your shoulder before you cause yourself some long-term emotional injury. “I had made a few comments about how I didn’t see the two of them being a great fit” Wait, what? You had made a few comments? Who the fuck are you to comment on who your friend is dating? Do you have to like them, spend time with them, sleep with them, wake up with them? Before I continue to point out how ridiculous you sound…. No scratch that, I’ll keep going.
When I read your question I was bowled over with how self-centered you sound. You try to put a “I’m a good friend” bow on this situation where you clearly could give a shit about your friend’s happiness and well-being. I’m not going to delve into why you are so unhappy that your friend has found someone he enjoys spending time with and I am going to stay away from your attempt to demonize a 9 year age differential…. wait, oh god, here it comes like a boomerang; 9 years might seem like a lot to swallow for someone who hasn’t evolved much past high school, but most people can actually handle it.
Here’s my advice TIFF aka Judge Judy, call your friend and tell him you apologize for offering your two cents on how he should live his life. Tell him you are his friend and his happiness and well-being are important to you and you will quit letting your personal feelings about relationships, him, your dad not hugging you enough when you were younger, the score of last night’s game or the new Britney single affect how you advise his personal life. Unless your friend is in an emotionally abusive or unhealthy relationship, you should shut your trap and be happy that he has found someone that makes him feel good. I hope you take my advice to heart because if I was your friend I’d be crossing you off the Christmas card list if you kept pulling that kind of crap with me. Best of luck!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
Big fan of the column. My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over a year. When we first got together we had quite the entertaining sex life. Things have slowed down a bit in the past few months but I still care about him very much and am very attracted to him. Recently we were discussing ways we could spice things up in the bedroom. He floated the idea of me strapping one on and pegging him. After the conversation I was thinking about it and started to wonder… Do you think my boyfriend might be gay? Most guys I have been with before would totally shoot down the idea of doing something like that. Do I just have an extremely open-minded boyfriend or is this something I should worry about?
Proudly Experimenting Good Girlfriend
Greetings PEGG,
Thanks for being a reader of the column and writing in! Liking it in the butt doesn’t make you gay. There are tons of gay men who don’t even go there and I assure you, they would identify as gay. I have some heterosexual guy friends who let their lovers ‘in the backdoor’ sometimes and they have never been with, nor do they have any interest in being with a man.
You should really be glad to be with an open-minded guy who doesn’t disqualify anything (within reason) from consideration in your sex life. He probably doesn’t have a bunch of hang-ups about his masculinity which is probably very refreshing and easy to be around. I think the real question here is are you comfortable with something like this going down? If the answer is ‘no’ then simply say so and move on. Although it might be beneficial for you to take a look at what about the situation bothers you so much that you completely disqualify it. In the past I have tried things out in the bedroom that I wouldn’t have thought I would liked and discovered something new about myself.
So cut your man a little slack and think about his idea. Just remember; no animals, blood or anything illegal (and now I bet I get some strongly worded emails from some real kinksters this week). Happy humping!
