The Bottom Whisperer: Rock You Like A Hurricane
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
Is there a nice way of bringing up cleanliness (that kind) with my boyfriend? We’ve been together for a little over a year and when we first got together he was a real stickler about making sure everything was spic and span if we were gonna bump ugly. He would make sure he was showered, all ready for sex and took great care of himself. When I have to be the bottom I am always a stickler about making sure everything is good to go. I know you don’t have total control over these things all of the time but it is getting to the point where I don’t really enjoy sex with my boyfriend. How do I bring this up with him? Please help!
Getting Real Open Sexually Savvy
Thanks for the great question! Your name is completely appropriate for your question because what is going on is gross. What is your boyfriend thinking? I mean, I get it that a year of being in love can cut into your drive to go to the gym and maintain that ‘hot piece of ass’ status, but this is inexcusable. Look, like you said, sometimes this is not totally in your control. You can scrub that thing out but the drain still gets snaked. You can deal with those situations because they are extenuating circumstances.
You need to have a little chat with your boyfriend here and a little dose of real talk is totally on the table. You can throw in as many ‘I love you’s as you’d like but he needs to not be letting himself go like that. It is unsanitary. The other possibility here is your boyfriend has a little scat thing that is coming to the surface. Either way, best to get to the bottom of the issue (see what I did there?) so you can get back on the same page in the bedroom. Quite frankly, the page you are on right now is gross and I’d be burning the book. Best of luck and lots of showers, soap and water!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I recently began an intense eye-banging relationship with a handsome fella from my gym. It first started when he caught my eye while I was doing cardio after a workout. He was exercising a few machines down from me but I saw him in the reflection of the mirror scoping me out. This was a few weeks back and since then we have probably had close to a dozen of these intense eye locks. There may or may not have been a pursing of lips the last time we were in our eye lock.
After the last eye bang session, I saw him head to the locker room and get ready to leave so I stopped what I was doing to try and catch him on the way out. He must have grabbed his bag and left because I missed him. My question for you is – how do I go about hitting this guy up and seeing if our little eye locks can lead to anything more? Or should I just keep enjoying the senseless flirting at the gym?
Shuddering To Approach Raucous Eye-baller
Oh. My. God. You know I love me some ‘eye-banging’ yessir! Your old pal The Bottom Whisperer has a little move I like to call ‘Stunnin’ which is like the king of the eye-bang. When you are walking down the street and someone walking in your direction catches your eye, most people look away. If you’re not as shy and going for the ‘stun’ you don’t break eye contact and stare at him/her the entire time that they pass. In most cases that person will be overcome and likely fall over, do a double take, drop what they are carrying, smile back. To this day not one human being has been able to counteract the power of ‘stunnin’.
Enough about me, you’ve got the hots for this gym bunny and wanna see if he can help you add a little extra cardio to your routine. First of all, thank you for not trying to bang him in the shower at your gym. That’s gross but for some reason men love doing it. Like it can’t wait the 10 minutes it takes you to get home and get in your own shower. Be warned STARE, what you have going on here is a hot little fantast that has been building up over time. What if he opens his mouth and has a terrible shrieking voice? What if you are out on a date and he tells you he is legally blind and all those stares have simply been a lack of vision? Well you’ll never know unless you give it a shot. Just remember that if it doesn’t work out you’ll always have that awkward ‘Hey bro” moment at the gym until one of you moves. And if one of you gets a boyfriend and starts working out with them, expect a few daggers. Best of luck!