The Bottom Whisperer: I Got A Man
If you missed last week’s column, go back and check it out here!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
A few months back my boyfriend injured himself on a hiking trip and had to have surgery to repair a broken bone. He was in a cast and on crutches for almost 8 weeks. During this time we had to take special precautions when we were intimate so we didn’t aggravate the injury. Quite often my boyfriend would be total naked except for his hard cast and I found it so incredibly hot. I felt like I was always hounding him for sex when he was in the cast. We’ve been together for a number of years so our sex life had tapered off a bit over the past few years. When my boyfriend was all healed up and had his cast removed, our sex life got back to the normal frequency. This fact prompted my boyfriend to joke that I had a thing for guys in casts. I laughed it off until recently a friend of ours broke his wrist and was in a cast when we ran into him in a social setting. I had never been attracted to him previously so imagine my surprise when I saw him and could hardly control myself.
Is it possible that I have a thing for guys in casts? Is there a type of fetish for people who like this? I’m somewhat embarrassed to tell my boyfriend because until this point I’ve been fairly vanilla and I am not sure how he would react.
Concerned About Sudden Thoughts
You freaky, freaky boy! I’m just kidding. Look, if there is something out there that occurs in society, someone is getting turned on by it. Automobile accidents, pregnant women, glass eyes, scuba gear, the DMV, beekeeper uniforms… someone is out there right now masturbating feverishly thinking about it. Who knows why people get such a strong emotional and physical reaction to these things. I had a discussion with a psychologist I met while on vacation a few years back. Often times a lot of these can be traced back to things that happened when we were children developing our identity and personality. Of course talking about childhood sexuality freaks 99% of people out and so theories like this can be very difficult and uncomfortable to discuss. Maybe when you were a kid you saw something on TV or in a social situation and biologically something happened and left this impression on you.
Now lets talk about how it relates to your boyfriend. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed to come clean about something that got you really hot. Since you are a few years into your relationship and your sex life has dipped a bit, why not take advantage of this awesome opportunity to spice things up? Or you’re welcome to stick it out with missionary position twice a month if you’re too embarrassed about your newly discovered fetish. Just don’t blow your wad the next time someone asks you to sign their cast. Best of luck!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I was recently chewed out online for stating in my profile my racial and age preferences in guys. Just to give you some more insight, I prefer White and Latin guys and stated just that in my profile. A gentleman who was Asian took offense and let me know he thought I was a racist. I told him I disagreed but my preference is my preference. He asked me how I would feel as a white man if I saw a profile that said “No white guys” or “White guys, don’t waste your time”. Since I don’t see many profiles that say that about white guys I guess I can’t really identify with what he was saying. Is it rude to say I am only into certain guys if it is based on race? Is there a better way I should go about this? Thanks!
Not Offending Needy Outsiders
Thanks for the great question! There have been a number of questions submitted about online etiquette over the past few months. Are you ‘wrong’ for stating your age and race preferences in your profile? I don’t think you are but I also think there is a way of going about letting people know what you are looking for without pissing them off and coming off as insensitive.
Last week I was invited to dinner at a friend’s house. He spent hours chopping, peeling and cooking a put a beautiful meal together. I should also tell you that I do hate olives. They make me sick to my stomach and I can’t even have one on my plate. One of the dishes in this incredible meal had olives. When we sat for dinner and people began to pass the dishes around, I politely took the dish containing the olives and without taking a scoop, passed it along. Our host asked how everything tasted and there was a resounding, “Everything is delightful” from everyone at the table. The host, noting that I didn’t have any of this side dish on my plate asked if everything was okay. I graciously told him I wasn’t a big fan of olives but the dish looked beautiful. Do you see where I’m getting here? If a guy hits you up online and isn’t the flavor you’re looking for, don’t trash the dish or seem ungrateful, simply take a compliment, be polite and pass. It’s really that simple.
As for the guy who thinks you are racist, maybe something in your profile offended him. I have seen a lot of mean, nasty comments about different people in online profiles. No fatties… No Asians… No guys old enough to be my dad… No flamers. All of these are really rude unnecessary. Not that I am accusing you of doing this, just put yourself on the other side of the coin. How would you want to be informed in a respectful way that someone wasn’t sexually attracted to you because of your age, race or body type. It sucks. So use a bit more tact when expressing these things in an online forum where a bunch of cock-hungry gays are looking for their next trick. Best of luck!