The Bottom Whisperer: Love On Top Of Love
And send those questions to [email protected]!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
A few weeks back, and against my better judgment, I slept with a good friend of mine’s roommate after a party. I thought we hit it off and he didn’t seem insane so I asked him if he’d like to go out sometime and he accepted. About a week later we went to dinner and saw a show together. After our first date we slept together again. I had a great time and so a few days later I asked if he’d like to go out again. He took a while to get back to me and when he did he told me that his mother was coming to visit for a few days and then he was headed out of town for work for a couple days. So I waited around and didn’t hear from him. Finally I waited until I knew he was back in town and followed up with him. He didn’t get back to me for a few days and when he did he said he didn’t have much free time to go out.
So I am going to bite the bullet here and move on, even if I don’t really understand what went wrong. I was debating for a few days if it was cool to ask why he all of the sudden lost interest but a few friends of mine have told me that would be a bad move. My issue now is how should I act when I hang out with his roommate who is a good friend of mine? Is it going to be awkward and is there a chance this might also cost me my friendship with his roommate? Please advise.
Welcome Truthful Fulfillment
Sorry your attempt to turn a hook up into something more didn’t pan out. It is a tough transition to make, not saying it is impossible, but a lot of people compartmentalize and a roll in the hay can cause people to feel uncomfortable with other people’s perceptions of them. Before I get any angry emails from people who are in committed relationships after one-nighters, I said it isn’t impossible! My guess here is that this guy’s lack of interest in dating seriously has less to do with you then you think. He may very well have a lot going on in his life or just be in a spot where he wants to bed hop for a while. You shouldn’t take this personally. I am sure you’re totally datable and probably a hot piece of tail.
Now WTF, you’re worried about losing your friendship with his roommate. One way to make sure that doesn’t happen is to let this situation roll off your back and not make things weird. This includes if you hear that his roomie is dating someone or you happen to be involved in a social situation with him. Your friend could probably care less about the love/sex life of you or his roommate. Bite the bullet and chalk it up to a night of fun and move on. If you stay hung up on it and keep making it into something personal, you are going to cause yourself a ton of distress and not be much fun to be around for your friend/his roommate. You’ve got to kiss a few frogs in life to find your prince so lube those lips up and get to work. Keep the faith WTF! It’s a jungle out there but you can’t let yourself get down when something doesn’t pan out. Best of luck and happy humping!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I recently lost about 120lbs. It has been a fight but I’m winning. However, I am starting to get noticed by other guys. I’ve never had that before and I know logic would presume that I would love it but it scares the crap out of me. After being invisible my entire life it feels like everyone can see me now. I feel worse than I did when I first started this. I’ve had a few guys at the gym try to pull me in the showers with them (I respectfully declined). I get hit on all the time. I have a partner, love of my life, and he is noticing other people looking at me and seems to be understanding and supportive. What’s wrong with me? Am I just crazy or just a jumping into a world that I may not be ready for?
Should Looking Inside Matter
Congrats on your drastic weight loss. I imagine your body transformation has been pretty incredible and your new body is taking some getting use to, not only for your perception of yourself, but also in how others perceive you. My advice here is not to let it go to your head. You have worked hard to make some positive life choices that will benefit you in the long term. You have an awesome boyfriend who is happy that you are as attractive on the outside as I am sure he has seen you the entire time he has known you. And at the end of the day SLIM, who you are inside, how you treat others and being a good person is what really matters.
So when you asked if you are crazy, the answer is no. You just aren’t use to this kind of attention from so many people. But let me tell you, there are a lot of pretty on the outside people who are really unattractive because inside they are mean, catty, unhappy, judgmental, etc. It is pretty easy to start drinking that superficial Kool-Aid and turn into a really ugly person. Treat other as you want to be treated, both in the past and now, and try not to buy too much into the pretty/ugly, femme/masc, fat/skinny stereotyping that is perpetuated so much in the GLBT community. Be yourself! Best of luck!