The Bottom Whisperer: Get Free
Greetings blogosphere! Hope everyone is off to a great 2013! Any resolutions for the New Year? Send them, and your hot steamy sex questions to [email protected]! And be sure to follow me on Facebook and Twitter if you don’t already!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I’m a self confessed lover of jock tops. If they act like a total d-bag I find it even hotter. Show up in athletic shorts and I am putty in your hands. Cut off gym t-shirts are the way to my heart. A friend of mine recently got into it with me about being attracted to jock tops because they tend to be down low, in the closet, only down for sex. He told me that my lack of relationship success was my own fault and I needed to work through some of my issues. I should mention this friend hasn’t had much success in the romance department and he goes after “normal” gay men.
Part of this animosity comes from the fact that a very nice guy asked me out a few months back. After going on 3 dates with him, I found myself feeling bad about the fact that I just wasn’t into him. He was cute, in great shape, smart and really charming but alas, I found my interest in him to be only friendly. They say that gay people are less than twenty percent of the population. Am I setting myself up for failure by coveting an even smaller percentage of our tiny community, or should I hold out for that dream man that may or may not be out there?
Just Opening Conversation Knowing Experience Results
If your attraction to ‘jock top’ guys is on the healthier side of attraction and not obsession, bang them to your heart’s content. If you feel like you can’t envision a future where you can meet and be with one nice person without longing for a hot romp with one of your dreamboat gym rats, you might have room for concern. Sure, every gay man loves the hunt and bagging a really attractive guy can be exhilarating but just realize that experience has a shelf life. If you want to be with one nice person and build a relationship, you have to adjust your priorities. This is not to say all of the men in the ‘jock top’ category are in the closet or emotionally unavailable. If you find yourself only seeking closeted or down low guys, then that adds a whole new element. There would be something concerning about seeking out only closeted, unavailable guys.
Listen up JOCKER, do what makes you happy in life because a bus tomorrow could hit you. If you want to meet a nice guy and be with someone worth spending time with, then practice a little bit of self-awareness and make good life choices that put you in a place to be ready if that scenario presents itself. Best of luck and happy humping!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I’m a 24-year-old gay guy who lives in the sticks. I came out a couple of years ago and thankfully my family was really great about it. But living so far outside of a city has proven tough in finding other gay men who I could possibly date. I don’t really have access to any gay bars of gay organizations. Once every few weeks I go visit my friend who lives in a slightly bigger city and we go out to some bars or clubs. On my limited student budget this is not something I can do very often. The past few weeks I have found myself looking at postings on craigslist for guys who want to hook up and I am intrigued. I’m pretty desperate for some physical affection and wonder what is the best way to go about fixing this issue. I am transferring to a university in a year where I will probably have more gay guys around and might actually be able to date but until then I am really frustrated and looking for a fix to this issue.
Is Succumbing Optional
I feel your pain my friend! With respect to the uniqueness of your situation, I graduated from high school a year early and started college at a small, conservative, Southern Baptist university in Texas. Not only was I not old enough to go out to the underage nightclub in town, but I also had no friends at this school and was surrounded by good old Texas boys who didn’t take to kindly to queers. It was one of the most trying, deeply depressing times of my life. A year later I moved across the country to the West Coast. There’s no real easy fix to your situation. It’s not a coincidence that gays move to larger cities, we want to be a part of a community and engage with other people who share our feelings and perspective (plus we want to get laid). I’m not telling you to move across the country as it sounds like you have a plan to end up somewhere that will give you access to more gay people for friendship and hopefully more.
In the meanwhile, as for hooking up with guys off the Internet, as long as you are protecting yourself as much as possible I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t meet up with someone who catches your interest. I’d probably avoid just showing up and getting it on without grabbing coffee, discussing your consumption and STI testing habits and discussing safe sex precautions as well. But I should also warn you hooking up is only going to relieve you of those strong physical urges. It’s highly unlikely you are going to feel any of the fun stuff that comes with dating and getting to know someone more intimately. But if you’ve got the itch, there’s no shame in scratching it. Best of luck and happy humping!