The Bottom Whisperer: I Need A Man
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I recently came across your column and have become a huge fan. I wonder if you could share your thoughts on a problem that seems to keep popping up for me. I am gay and a person of color. My mother is Dutch and Nigerian and my father is Honduran. I notice that the gay community tends to focus quit a on ethnicity whether it is for dates, a relationship or even a quick hook up. I feel like there are 2 schools of thought on this issue. Gay men are either completely locked into on race of men (bean-queens, rice-queens) and fetishize it to a sometimes gross and uncomfortable point. Then there are people who are only into white and European men. There is very little room in the middle. Some guys who are into white guys can dabble with Latin guys and I’ve heard people discuss it in the context of seeking out a little “Latin flavor”. Are we as gay men reduced to ice cream flavors based on the color of our skin and our ethnic background? A huge issue for me has been the fact that I am not black enough for guys into black guys and not Latin enough for guys into Latin guys. It has been extremely frustrating for me, to the point where I am really souring on dating. I’d love to get your thoughts on this complex subject.
Muster Insight eXcite Educated Dummy
Yes, I get about a billion questions pertaining to racism and reverse homophobia within the gay community. I believe that we should be working together to rid our community of these issues before expecting the rest of the world to give us the same respect. This is all being the change that you want to see, so said a great person once upon a time.
I do believe that there are men out there who will find you attractive for who you are inside first and foremost and enjoy your skin tone as an added bonus. Yes, it is true that physical appearance is the first thing that draws us to someone. I would suggest you look at your diverse background as an asset rather than a burden. All those beautiful races rolled up into one person probably make for a very attractive human being. My advice is to diversify your venues and opportunities for meeting gay men. It sounds like you haven’t had great look working the channels you are familiar with thus far so mix it up. Bars aren’t great places to meet guys, so I would find a social or activity group and give that a shot. At least you have the benefit of sharing an interest or hobby with a guy you meet and might be interested in dating. Keep plugging away and keep the dream alive MIXED! Happy humping and best of luck!
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
This isn’t as much a question as it is a rant. I hear over and over again that there aren’t enough tops in the world. I honestly think that there are so many bottoms because gay people are lazy and they don’t want to do any of the work they just want to lay there. I myself am versatile and always have to choose 1 side or the other. What is wrong with liking both? Why can’t bottoms learn how to use their dicks?
Relieve Another Neurotic Tirade
Thanks for being a fan of the column and for your thoughtfully formulated rant. It sounds like you have had a few frustrating sexual experiences that have caused you to reach out with your concern about the lazy bottom epidemic sweeping the nation. Please allow me to help clear up some of these issues that are plaguing your sex life from involving more flip-flopping. I think the number one issue causing this pandemic of bottoms is the fact that anal stimulation feels fucking amazing. Anyone who has ever popped one off while being the recipient of a rusty trombone or just a good old fashioned pounding would agree, it fucking rocks. As a matter of fact, sometimes when I am banging it out with a hot guy and I see how much fun they are having, I get a little jealous and ask them if I can get in on the action. It is all a matter of preference my friend. Don’t just assume that because someone loves it in the ass that they don’t know how to use their dick. On the contrary, they know how to use their dick, but they also know how to use their ass and that is paying a higher sexual dividend.
I believe that in general, gay men tend to get too fixated on who is the top and who is the bottom. There is so much good stuff to do and to go around in the bedroom that it blows my mind how people limit themselves sexually. Continue to keep an open mind and seek out lovers who share your feelings. This will lead to more of the variety you are looking for. Happy humping!