The Bottom Whisperer: I’m A Cut You
Greetings interwebz! Did you miss me last week? I missed you. So I’m bringing 2 weeks worth of Bottom Whispering realness. Are you following me on Facebook and Twitter? My wild partying ways have me neck and neck with Lindsay Lohan on the death pool and I’m documenting it all on social media. Get with the program people!
Don’t forget to get those burning sex questions in to [email protected]! This week we’re mixing it up a bit. I received a very unhappy response to my last column and thought I would address it this week! Hope you enjoy!
In response to your “advice” to HELP.
Thanks a lot for reinforcing the stereotype that you have to be a commitment-averse slut to be ‘interesting’ and ‘fun’. Kind of ironic that someone with the mindset of an immature little boy is trying to give advice on a mature subject. Recent generations mistake passion and goals for ‘desperation’; so what, so it’s great that you shortsightedly live in the moment? I suppose in one way you’re doing yourselves well by aiming very, very low. That kind of attitude is best exemplified by the societal norm of the giggling, gossiping teenage girl. So if that’s what you wanna be? Great, fine, enjoy it. But don’t say that someone else’s mindset is wrong because it’s a deeper and more complex approach than your own. Guys like you are a big reason that a lot of us like to remain in the closet, so that we don’t have to explain that we’re not ALL that way. As for me and HELP here, maybe you’ll be worth a dinner date in ten years when you’ve had time to finish the transition from boy into man. HELP; You’re not the only one and we ARE out there. Though everyone has the right to give terrible advice, you also have the right to freely ignore this tool and take comfort in the fact that just on probability alone, you’re gonna’ meet a guy with the kinds of values that will suit you. The people you bring close to you in life are once-in-a-lifetime for a reason and they definitely won’t fit the mold. So hey, take a look at all these shallow ‘casual’ guys and take it with a grain of sugar. At very least, you know what Mr. Right will NOT be like.
Oh Damn Gurl,
I hope you took off your jewelry before getting into that little spat. I want you to know I read your response a few times and really tried to understand where you are coming from with all the name calling and assumptions about my maturity and the kind of relationships I seek out. The best I can do is to guess I hit some kind of nerve. Look, if you want nicey nicey “Don’t worry, everything will be fine” with puppies and kitties go read Dear Abbey. I hear she gives better advice about douching than I do. I was simply being honest and proposing something that HELP might not have thought about. Self-awareness is a dying art form. I preach week in and week out for people to try and have more of it. I think that most people often look outward when they aren’t getting the results that they want. I’m a little surprised that my suggestion that HELP take a look inside to see if maybe something in there was inhibiting him from getting what he wanted form an interpersonal relationship.
On to my next point – be careful where you’re pointing those daggers my friend. Telling me that “Guys like you are a big reason that a lot of us like to remain in the closet” Umm… the glass dial on my bullshit meter shattered when I read that. And with that I’ll bring this to a close.
Shallow ‘casual’ guy who is keeping you in the closet aka The Bottom Whisperer
Dear Bottom Whisperer,
I’m a twenty-something gay man living in California. Most of my sexual experiences have been on the top side of things outside of a few underwhelming bottoming experiences with 2 ex-boyfriends. I met a very nice guy a couple weeks back and we had some great chemistry together. Long story short, after a very romantic day together we went back to his house and had sex. This guy has probably the largest erect penis I’ve seen in my life. As hot as it was, I was about to run for the hills because I didn’t think there would be any way I could possibly ever take it. I even considered not seeing him again over this subject. Fast forward to last week, things are going great after a number of great dates and I shared with him my anxiety about bottoming for him. He told me there was no rush and we’d cross that bridge when we got there (right answer). Well that bridge got crossed a few nights ago and then it got crossed again yesterday and OH MY GOD. After the initial work of getting it in there, my eyes were opened to pleasure that I have never known. It was nothing short of AMAZING which brings me to my question. Should I be worried about injuring myself and are there any long-term physical issues that might come from bottoming for such a large guy? Inquiring minds want to know!
His Underwear Go Outward
Congrats on meeting a nice guy and your exciting new sexual experiences. There are a number of issues that can arise from receptive anal sex such as hemorrhoids, tearing, loss of bowel control to name a few. The best way of keeping your rosebud from turning into a bloody elephant trunk is to use a lot of lube, enjoy a lot of foreplay and “warming up” down there. It is also important to listen to your body. You do not want to reenact that jailhouse gang bang scene you saw in a porno one time. Taking a pounding can lead to loss of sensation, muscle control and can damage your rectum. So while the feeling of a big dong up your bum might be making your eyes roll back in your head, enjoy responsibly. In addition, if you choose to exercise your sword swallowing skills with your new beau, you have a greater chance of contracting bacterial and viral infections when deep throating. So be careful with yourself HUGO! And make sure your sexual partner(s) know that you have a strict “You break it, you buy it” policy.
Hope this helps out HUGO! I hope you enjoy each other responsibly and continue to rock each other’s worlds. Happy humping!