golden globes pia zadora, jennifer lawrence, awards we'd give, la la land, florence foster jenkins, anna faris, moonlight, the grinder

5 Golden Globes We’d Like to See Handed Out This Year

The Golden Globes are this Sunday, and the awards given out by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association honor excellence in entertainment from around the world—at least in theory. In practice, the reputation of the award is a bit suspect after Pia Zadora won “New Star of the Year” in 1982 for her role in the utterly forgettable—and forgotten—incest-western Butterfly, in which she starred with Orson Welles and Ed McMahon.

Though she’s continually claimed otherwise, the accepted narrative is that her then-husband, Israeli billionaire Meshulam Riklis, bought the award for her. (Providing credence to this theory: Zadora’s most famous film role continues to be her appearance as a martian child in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, and the year she won her Globe, she also won two Golden Raspberries for the same role.)

Though it was over 30 years ago, Pia Zadora’s legacy still looms large over the Globes—and it got us thinking: If we were Israeli billionaires, who would we buy Golden Globes for?

1. The Susan Lucci Award

Susan Lucci is a soap star who was nominated for an Emmy 19 times before she won one. We wondered who the Susan Lucci of the Globes was, and came up with a few suggestions: Kevin Spacey, who’s been nominated for five globes and not won any, and Susan Sarandon, who’s received seven nominations and zero globes.

But we decided to go with Ryan Gosling (also five-and-zero) for a couple reasons.

Susan Sarandon would be our choice, except she’ll probably win next year for her upcoming role as Bette Davis in Feud, Ryan Murphy‘s latest series for FX, about the legendary feud between Davis and Joan Crawford. Spacey and Gosling are tied, but Gosling’s actually nominated for his role in La La Land, so why not?

Besides, like Sarandon, Spacey’s set to be in the much-buzzed-about remake of Billionaire Boys Club, which means 2017 might be his year, too.