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Archbishop Dolan: If Gays Marry, Can I Marry My Mom?

Posted on
gay blog, gay news, church excuses, marry my mom, gay marriage, definition of marriage

"Will you marry me, Mama?"

Archbishop Timothy Dolan’s sitdown with 60 Minutes is must see t.v. for those who love to watch men of the cloth come up with bullshit excuses for why gays are icky. Dolan forgoes the traditional “People will marry their pets” route in favor of the even creepier, “Fine, but if gays can marry, then I’m totally banging my mom.”

“We would say marriage by nature, marriage by definition is between a man and a woman for life, giving children.

Don’t tamper with the definition. If you want to give latitude to other types of relationships, go ahead. But please don’t tamper with that definition of marriage. It is a right for people who can live up to those expectations that are just encoded in the definition. It’s not a right to those who can’t.

We will stand up for other rights with you, we will treat you with love and reverence, but we can not ever tamper with the necessary attributes of what we consider to be the very pillar of society. Namely the very definition of marriage.”

To which Morley Safer rightly responds, “How is marriage’s defense affected by allowing homosexual marriage? It doesn’t attack heterosexual marriage in any way. It just alters, only slightly, the definition of marriage.”

It’s at this point that my brain explodes all over the place because of the sheer ridiculousness of the Archbishop’s answer. It’s a mess, too. My poor partner then walks into the office and is all, “Again?! Ugh. I’ll go fetch a rag and a bucket.”

OK, so that part didn’t happen. But Dolan really did just answer this rational question with, “If gays marry, then can I marry my mom?” Which, of course, absolutely nobody else in the world except for this priest is thinking. Perv. No. No you cannot marry your mother when gays are soon awarded the federal right to marry. Don’t ever bring up that asinine question again. Holy man or not, you’re an idiot.

What do you think of the Archbishop’s thoughts on gay marriage?

  • Ok, so let’s no make the same mistake as Dolan and go at this entirely emotionally. Let’s view this logically.

    The reason why Archbishop Dolan can’t marry his mom if gays can marry is because if he marries his mom, there is a chance for children who would risk genetic problems due to incest reducing genetic diversity. Gay marriage runs no such genetic risk.

    Not that logic matters to that douchebag. It’s all about his poor theology.

  • Anonymous

    Who cares what this ass thinks? Aren’t we looking for legal recognition? Christianity is a dangerous religion that can excuse its actions or bury them with little or no consequence. Their followers are sheep and unfortunately they are proud of it.
    I pay taxes and I am only looking for equal right as a citizen.

  • Anonymous

    Once again the catholic hierarchy trots out a complete idiot. He is part of a group that is so draped in embroidery and silks and satins and gold threads that you’d think it was designed by Versace in the 80’s & a pope that throws a hissy fit if his shoes aren’t Prada. These drag queens throw alot of stones…

  • Steve Crawford

    Well, if Catholics can marry sheep I don’t know what they are complaining about……

  • ok well Archbishop Doaln can not get hitched to his mother because of a little thing called INCEST. But to be honest more heterosexual couples get married for money, Property or just because there drunk in Vegas on vacation and they are not destroying the holy union that is marriage but when 2 men or 2 women wanna get hitched unholy hell brakes loose.
    Come on folks. This is getting a little out of hand don’t u think?

  • Anonymous

     It is past time for Dolan to be held fully accountable for his role in shielding child rapists within the church from prosecution.  As Archbishop of Milwaukee, he opposed the lifting of statutes of limitations for the prosecutions of child rapists.  A conscienceless thug who engages in such politicking against the interests of innocent victims of very serious crimes has no moral standing to opine against the civil rights of any of his fellow citizens, obviously.  Dolan’s misdeeds . . and possibly crimes . . date back to before Milwaukee when he was in St. Louis.  The investigations should be intense and relentless.  He should not be let off the hook with window-dressing appearances on 60 Minutes,  and a New York Times article that gave him way too much opportunity to distract from the facts with “pity party for Dolan and the Church” quotes.  His victims deserve for their voices to be heard.  And social pressures should be brought against the Church, saying we do not find it acceptable for this bigoted monster to have a position of authoirty in New York, and insisting that he be removed from that position.  Dolan colluded with the Church to shield child rapists from accountability for their crimes.  Dolan also influenced our criminal justice system against holding the child rapists within the Church accountable for crimes of child rape. Common decency demands that we protest this repugnant malefactor.