ENTER YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS
TO JOIN OUR NEWSLETTER

DON'T WORRY. NO SPAM COMES FROM
UNICORN BOOTY. JUST THE GOOD STUFF.

Ghanan Bishop Claims His Magic Touch Can Enlarge Men’s Penises

Posted on

This post is also available in: Portuguese Chinese (Traditional)

If you’re unhappy with having a small penis, tiny breasts or a flat butt, travel to Ghana and see Bishop Daniel Obinim! Not only is he the founder of the International God’s Way Church (now serving eight branches) but he also claims to have magic hands that can reshape your body with a single touch (and a small tug). There’s even video of him touching lots of dudes’ junk, all in the name of enlarging them through Holy magic!

It’s sort of like Jesus’ miracle of the fishes and loaves, except with dicks… sorta. If some guy came up to us saying that touching our wieners could make us pee thousand dollar bills, we’d at least consider it, but it’s just a form of molestation really.

When you think about it, Obinim is right: tugging on a man’s dong WILL actually make it grow a bit, but only temporarily. And while we’re laughing at the idea of a “man of God” manhandling a bunch of dudes at a prayer rally, touching people’s genitals under false pretenses is WRONG, no matter how it looks on video.

Then again, he’s just continuing the Christian church’s long revered history of molesting people (usually kids). We just cringe to think how many of these men were pressured into letting Obinim touch them, believing that they were inadequate before he put their whole world in his hands.