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Hey, Ryan Lochte: Here’s How You Can Actually Redeem Yourself

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Before we even begin talking about Ryan Lochte (aka White-privilege incarnate), let’s give a moment of praise to gold medalists Simone Manuel, Simone Biles and all the other Black female athletes who rocked the Rio 2016 Olympic Summer Games. They deserve attention a lot more love, attention and online space than what we’re about to spend on Lochte, the float nugget.

Now that the Olympic swimmer has been dropped by all of his major sponsors and formally charged by Brazilian police for lying to cops about being robbed at gunpoint — when what really happened involved a gun-toting security guard demanding money for damages after Lochte and his fellow mer-men allegedly vandalized a gas station restroom — the time has come for Lochte’s atonement.

EDITOR’S NOTE: In the interest of fairness, a reader pointed out USA Today‘s report which says that Lochte only damaged a poster placard outside of the restroom rather than anything in the restroom itself. It also adds that the swimmers didn’t lie about being robbed but rather didn’t understand what was happening because of the language barrier. It goes on to say, accurately, that being held at gunpoint by a security guard demanding money is illegal and could actually constitute robbery. The report adds though that Lochte was pretty wasted at the time and did  omit details of his drunken poster-destroying in his initial retelling.

The Brazilians have contacted the ethics committee of the U.S. Olympic Committee (the USOC promises further disciplinary action against Lochte and his piss pals) and have promised to try Lochte in absentia if he doesn’t return to Brazil to face trial (hey Brazil, don’t hold your breath). If found guilty, Lochte could face up to 18 months in a Brazilian prison; the U.S. and Brazil have an extradition agreement, but we can’t imagine anyone actually arresting a gold medalist over such foreign fratboy fuckery.

Lochte has become such a national embarrassment that he’s getting shit-talked by “America’s Dad” Al Roker and local anchorpeople can’t help mocking the fugg out of him after live interviews (evidence below).

Anyway, one gay blog actually came up with an excellent idea of how Barney Rubble can redeem himself, and its greatness comes in part from lifting up people with disabilities:

Lochte could (and should) write a big check for the Paralympics. It would go a long way toward showing that he understands what the true spirit of sportsmanship is. And he should do it before anyone else attaches their brand.

But throwing money at the problem isn’t enough: He should hustle to get celebrities, sponsors and organizations to cough up some dough, too. And start volunteering with disabled swimmers— school groups, adults, competitors.

That’s a fantastic idea and if he had any sense of self-preservation, he’d totally do it. After all, the Paraolympics start in Rio on September 7, giving Lochte a full week to redeem himself before the Games even start. His support would show a commitment not only to Paraolympic athletes, but also the Rio Olympics for all the crap he’s made them deal with. It would certainly make him look a heck of a lot better than his weaksauce apologies have.

(featured image via Ubcwwong)